Officially fall

I've broken out the sweaters.
No longer is the AC racking up our electric bill.
Renaissance Day has come and gone.
I'm back to working weekends only when I absolutely must.
And the first new TV episodes of the year have been watched.

I don't care if the calender says it doesn't start until tomorrow: It's FALL ya'll!!!!!!

Soon we will be reveling in a swirly mess of decorations for multiple seasons, dancing in turkey suits and donning other assorted costumes, drinking hot cocoa, celebrating birthdays galore, jetsetting to warmer locales, inviting friends to pageants and programs, and enjoying all the traditions that take up the time between now and January.

*Dances around the room in a fit of happiness*

Spoilers don't spoil?? Puh-lease

My high school English teacher posted a link on facebook yesterday to this article that claimed that knowing spoilers to movies and books doesn't actually spoil the story. They actually did a research study where they gave the ending to people at the beginning (without the people knowing it) and then had them rate how much they liked the story, and compared it to how much people liked the story when they read it the "correct" way.
Supposedly people rated the story higher if they had the ending first.

To which I say WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!??!?!?!

Ahem.

Now, I realize that if you read a story all about a guy's daring escape from prison and then reach the end to find out it was all in his head and now he is being hung, that you are going to be dissappointed and upset...BUT THAT'S THE POINT. That's the experience the author intended. If he wanted you to know it was all a dream from the beginning he would have told you at the beginning. If you want the experience of reading it that way, then re-read it now that you know. Then you have both experiences. But if you read it knowing the ending first, you'll only ever get one experience from the story. You can't un-know the ending.

I read for the experience, not merely the joy of the written word. Who does that? The experience is not only a roller-coaster of uncertainty and expectation, but also reveals things about you, allowing you to learn and grow in a safe environment, preventing you from having to live through unpleasant events to get the same information about yourself.

For example: Harry Potter. (Of course.) If you started the series knowing Snape is a good guy you would merely scoff at the characters for thinking otherwise. You would never learn your own ability to jump to conclusions and misjudge people. You would never experience the horror of being betrayed by someone you trusted because instead you assumed the likely suspect was the culprit. You would never feel the fervor of protecting an innocent person that everyone else has condemned, or the tension of "maybe I am wrong but I am going to choose to trust this person anyway." You would never know the triumph of being proved right, the despair of the proof coming too late. And you would be cheated out of the ultimate revelation that love changes even the most hated people. You wouldn't gain those experiences....unless you had to actually live through them, which would be most unpleasant. My life is richer because of years spent waiting for the truth about Snape to be revealed.

Or take The Sixth Sense. I spent the whole movie on the verge of realizing he was dead, and when it was finally blatant I was filled with unnamable emotion at the mix of surprise and omg-I-knew-it-but-not-really. It's the only reason I liked it. A story merely about a kid who sees dead people and has a dead person to confide in is kind of stupid.

Darth Vader is Luke's long-dead father? Verbal is Keyser Soze? Norman Bates is his mother? The second time you watch these movies (knowing the end) the stories are still good, but not as good as the first time.

I watched Planet of the Apes already knowing the ending and it was only meh, but talk to the people who didn't know and they will cry "DAMN YOU SALAZAR!!!!" with such fervor you think they were Charleton Heston's body double.

So again, I must say: What the heck is wrong with these people???

10 years later

I have two theories about my spiritual life.
1. I was saved when I was 4 by acknowledging Christ died for my sins and accepting the gift of salvation, but I didn't make Him the master of my life, didn't align myself with Him and eventually even went to His enemy like a whore but He loved me anyway and accepted me the second I realized my mistake and turned my back on my former life, on Sept 12, 2001.
2. I wasn't saved until I was 15, standing in church, completely terrified of the future, turning to Christ as the only One who I knew could save me, again on Sept 12, 2001.

Who knows, I don't really care when it happened, only that it did. Either way, Sept 12 is an important day for me and I claimed it as my birthday. That in mind: today is my 10th birthday!!!! Woo hoo! What better way to celebrate than go to the Crossroads Game Change update? (Answer: there's not really a better way!)

No one needs to be told how excited I was for this update, or how many times I was on the verge of tears, or how many times I threw my head back laughing, or how many times I clapped oh-so-excitedly...because you all know me.

2012 is going to be a very exciting and very life changing time, if I let it. CityLink opens in the fall, they're resuming South Africa trips, and the permanent aftercare homes will finally be open in India too. These are the things that I care about. These are the things I was made for. These are the things that when other people talk about them, my heart falls into it's best rhythm. Like when you reach that speed that your car was built to go and it kind of calms into it's most efficient and smoothest ride.

What does the next year look like for me? I don't know. This year was supposed to hold a big move from apartment to house but that didn't happen and I'm no longer convinced that is the best plan. What I do know is that my job in the ED was never supposed to be a long-term thing. I was never going to retire there. I was never going to be one of the nurses who worked there for 25 years. It was just never the plan. Whether that means I'll eventually take a position at CityLink, or move to South Africa, or get married and adopt and raise a bunch of little lives, or enter full-time ministry, or just transfer to the NICU for a while, I still have no idea. But I feel more and more like my time in the ED is drawing to a close. I still enjoy the work but my heart feels more and more out of rhythm there. I feel drawn to live in a smaller place, spend less money, volunteer more, be around people who have the same vision and passions.

What I do know is that I don't want to look back on my life and think "Blah."

4 mile run with my God

It's funny how sometimes you sing the same songs for years, you study for years, and you feel like you haven't really grown any closer to God or transferred any knowledge from your head to your heart, and you start to wonder if you really have a role to play at all and them BAM! Satan just blasts you out of the water.

But then, to both of you and Satan's surprise, you don't drown. You don't even sink. You just kind of float there and think I should totally be dead right now. And yeah, there's no land in sight, and no rescue boat, and everyone who knew you were out on this ocean is also currently adrift but surprisingly everyone was wearing life jackets they never remembered putting on...

And honestly I don't think Satan could be more shocked at this than I am.

I am probably the angriest person I know. I feel rage bubble up sometimes when I spill things or when an infant scratches me. (Yeah, it's ridiculous) But it's comfortable. I know how to keep it from exploding most of the time and that control gives me a sense of satisfaction. I imagine it's similar to how people with eating disorders feel. I'm comfortable being angry, I like feeling like an instrument of justice, like the Boondocks Saints' sister or something. So it kind of irks me that as much as I want to be totally infuriated to the point of plotting a murder, I'm not.

"You were the one who broke bread with the thief
You said to love those who we despise.
You were the One.
You are the One who meets us where we are
You redeem the wasted years
You are the One
You are the One who restores the broken heart
You turn fears into peace
You are the One"

"This is a cry out, shouting to the crowd, screaming at the sky
This is a last attempt, scanning the horizon for a rescue
I know there's more than I can see
For the sake of love I must believe "

"I can see things that keep you from seeing Me.

Cuz you've got burdens on your shoulders

Lies in you head

Pain in your heart

That wants you dead.

Spirit open their eyes

Open their minds

Open their hearts

And help them know truth from a lie, foe from a friend, that I am for them

And I want

FREEDOM on their shoulders

PEACE in their head

LOVE in their hearts

AGAIN."

"Before the throne of God above I have a strong a perfect plee,

A great High Priest whose name is Love

Who ever lives and pleads for me

My name is graven on His hands

My name is written on His heart

I know that while in Heaven He stands no tongue can bid me there depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair...upward I look and see Him there."

"Time goes by
I hear the lie that I'm not worth love or fight
Truth and lie, tangled up
Waging war inside of me...
A war is raging that's hidden from my eyes,
Not over power or money
I am the prize
Freedom's fee is not on me so I'm trading these chains for a new ID
Hoplessness, fear and doubt: burdens I long to live without
If I could just trade them all for what you give
For freedom
Gloves off
Armor on
Truth is ammunition
Boots laced up tight
Ringing in my ears tonight
A war is raging that's hidden from my eyes,
Not over power or money
I am the prize
Freedom's fee is not on me so I'm trading these chains for a new ID"

"I love the way that your heart breaks
With every injustice and deadly fate
Praying it all will be new
And living like it all depends on you
Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
I love you, please see and believe again"

An Intelligent Response

I finally got around to checking back on the article I commented on the other day covering the CityLink groundbreaking. Here's what our Rock Starr speller had to say:



"Gee, it seems like you could really use a man in your life...do you also hung trees in your spare time?"



And then:



"Hug Trees"



Pretty sure that needs no response.

Lesson #7501 from Xroads: Bring Tissues (also see lesson # 15: Don't wear eyeliner to service)

Oh. My. God.



Amazing service! I have to put it up there with the conclusion of Game Change when they had the video showing we had enough money to go forward on all the initiatives.



From the very beginning they showed a clip that opened with "Collisions can be negative, painful, even fatal. They can also be positive, beautiful, rejuvinating. It all depends on WHAT YOU COLLIDE INTO." I had to whip out my journal right there and start writing.

Then Andrea and co. sang an awesome-juice song about a beautiful collision that I MUST own.

Then Chuck brought up Pastor Mosa from Soweto South Africa (who may be our new partner *squee!!*) and he gave a fantastical message involving The Message's translation of Matthew "I'll tell you why you are here: to be the salt-seasoning that brings out the God flavor of the earth" (pretty sure that's The Message's South African translation, bc it's far too amazeballs to be American) and a focus on the fact that the Good Samaritan went to where the man was.



****SIDE NOTE**** The Good Samaritan story. Heard it at least 100 times in my life by now. Realized/remembered/coalesced a few things today.

1. It would not have been safe to approach someone on the road who appeared to be beaten. No doubt there were plenty of criminals who played oppossum. Most likely the priest and Levite who pass by "on the other side of the road" did not do so out of spite but out of what they perceived to be an intelligent move toward self-preservation. I doubt that had they known the man was really dying and nobody was waiting to jump them, that they would have left him there.

2. The Samaritans, being the outcasts, would be street-smart. They would not have been ignorant about oppossum-criminals. But they would also have been subjected to enough atrocities in their daily lives to know the difference between fake-dying and real-dying.

Regardless, we have to be willing to take risks and allow God to protect us AND we have to live with the hurting so we know a need when we see one instead of assuming everyone is trying to "work the system."



Back to Crossroads...

THEN Chuck brings Rob Seddon (who coordinates all the South Africa stuff) onstage with Mosa to explain where we are going with the possible partnership etc. etc. etc. and Rob is just gushing about how wonderful the process has been of looking for the right partnership because it has allowed him to see all the crazy-wonderful ways God is working in South Africa yada yada all good stuff, when he says this:

"It has allowed us to begin to dream again."

And I fall completely apart.

Why?

Well let's go back to January when they announced that our Mamelodi partnership ended. I was crushed. This was my dream, my plan. I wanted to move there and live with the people and help run the medical initiative and make a difference. When they revealed the news (which I had already gotten by email and been stewing about for days) in service one week, I scrawled in large, darkly traced letters "Death of a Dream" complete with thorny vines choking the life out of the phrase.

And that was the first thing I thought about when he uttered that phrase. One of my biggest assets and biggest faults is my Hero Complex. "I must save the world!..." It drives me to devote time and energy to things that people find crazy and inspiring but I just find fun and worthwhile. "...because I am the only one who cares about saving the world!" It also buries me in unfounded isolation that leaves me depressed and burdened.

So when we get these services where they tell me that we've raised millions of dollars (newsflash: I did not donate millions of dollars myself, thus there must be someone else out there who also cares about this!) or that we can dream AGAIN (what??? other people had also had their dreams smashed to pieces? I thought I was the only one!) my normal response is to break down in tears of relief (and also tears of I-am-so-ridiculous-to-have-thought-I-was-alone).



But wait, it wasn't over!

THEN they unveiled a video of the CityLink groundbreaking ceremony that I was too exhausted to attend on Wednesday. A video of city leaders who seemed genuinely excited about this. A video reiterating that the goal is to help make people self-sufficient. A video where Brian reminded us that except for when Jesus laid hands on people, every great miracle took a loooooooong time to actually come to fruition. (The first thing you might think of to refute this is Moses raising his arms and parting the seas [I did] but I think the Israelites would argue that 400 years in captivity is a long time to wait for rescue.) A video that again had me trying to disguise from the people sitting around me, the fact that I was wiping snot and tears off my face sans tissues. (Ah! Lesson 7501, there you are!)



So yeah. Frickin' crazy fantasti-mazing service (I ran out of my usual descriptors, I used them all already!) Can't wait for the next few weeks of the Collide series, and also for the Advance messages at Sarah's school's camp (where I will be the official nurse!) next week.

The theme is "Risky."

I think that's good timing.

So. Pissed. Off. (CityLink version)

Groundbreaking for the CityLink center was yesterday and I (being a glutton for controversy) read the news articles covering the event tonight. As I anticipated, they were crawling with comments from the best and brightest Americans.



"All this place is going to do is help people get on ASSISTANCE programs, and become dependant on the system. The location speaks for itself as to who their focus is going to be on. Next thing you know they will be giving out free fans to the same people who get them year after year. They should of put a jail on the site instead. Then the people in the "community" wouldn't have far to go to see their family..."



So says a man who can't spell the words "Rock Star" and also thinks he is one.



It was all I could do to not respond "YOU ARE A MORONIC FUCKWAD ASSBABY!!!!" Instead I said



"Please.

Unless you've never traveled down a paved road, called 911, used a public library, or borrowed money from a bank (etc) you have dependent on a system. Humans are inherently interdependent and also obsessed with the fantasy of a self-made man. No one is a self-made man (or woman).

Of course you also think that low economic status = criminal so I can tell you're very educated on the subject.

Sounds like you're really just sore that we aren't focusing on you and your problems. (Although, as such an independent, intelligent, and otherwise perfect individual you shouldn't have any problems.)"



Sounds bitchy, but compared to what I wanted to say, nice and polite, right?



Then there was your typical Mr. woe-is-me-I-have-it-so-hard-being-forced-to-help-people-with-my-tax-dollars



"We are sick of helping people who don't even try to help themselves. It's gettin' old!"



Makes you sound like a good person because it implies that you help people and would enjoy it given the right circumstances. *snorts trying to hold back laughter at the preposterousness of it all* Well, sorry to burst your bubble deary, but:



"Then logically you should be happy other people are working on the problem without you."



Little worried about the fact that I had to log in with my facebook to post my replies but I've been internet-hunted before. Also, according to these geniuses, they are far too busy helping people and accomplishing things without any outside assistance of any kind to bother with harassing little ol' me. *snorts again*

The Bachelor and Liechtenstein

I promised myself I was done with the Bachelor franchise. So why am I currently streaming Bachelor Pad on Hulu? ARGH!!!! AMES WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE SO DAMN SWEET AND LOVABLE!!!! I JUST WANT TO SEE YOU HAPPY!!!! I am so afraid you will become a warped and horrible person being around people like Jake and Vienna. SAD!!!

We spent about an hour googling Liechtenstein last night at work when it got slow up in triage. Apparently they have one of the highest standards of living, no military, they're a tax haven...the list continues.  So we are going to take over.  We will be Liechtenstoners and speak Licky-sticky.  

No offense was intended to the actual lucky souls who get to live there.

Lessons from plants

Sometimes I really envy farmers.
Not the industrial grow-enough-with-Monsanto-to-feed-an-entire-county kind of farmer. The kind of farmers where they grow a nice size garden for themselves and maybe to sell on the corner. Like my grandparents.
I envy them because they know things about God and life that they probably don't even realize.
I started thinking about this again (yes, it's crossed my mind before) today after a storm blew through: I got home from work to find that my little flower garden out back had been somewhat ravaged by the wind and pelting rain. Half the stalks were bent down the ground (we won't get into how little help their shallow root systems were). I tried to pour some more dirt around them to get them to stand up to no avail. I finally took to propping them up against one another to form little make-shift tee-pees of sorts. It worked!

Lesson 1: When we can't stand alone we can lean on each other and both give and receive support at the same time.

A few were too far away or too far gone to get propped up so I snipped off the blooms and brought them inside. At first I felt bad about it but then I realized...

Lesson 2: God's grace in even making Heaven available in the first place. I mean, we could be like regular flowers and when we die, well, the end, that's it, goodbye. No harm no foul, just nothing. But He enjoys us, He wants to keep us around. So He brings us in to His home to give us another life (albeit I have not granted the flowers eternal life in their vases)

As these lessons sunk in I started thinking about everything I've learned in my short and scattered time working on my little garden. From admiring the deep and vast root systems of ivy to learning the necessity of digging up hard ground, and I found myself examining one particular plant with no flowers on it yet. It somehow wound up scattered over in the rockier dirt, even though that is not where I originally put it. Instead of being pissed at it's late blooming, I admire it's ability to grow even without proper care. It's smaller than the others (which actually saved it from toppling over today) and so far flower-less but I am excited about it. I wonder what color the flowers will be. I've been extra careful to make sure it gets water over the summer, since it's not with the rest and would get missed in my sporadic watering otherwise. I can't transplant it to better dirt because it would kill it, or at least make it lose all it's buds, so I try to care for it where it is.

Lesson 3: The course of life usually dumps people in less than perfect situations. It's not what God wanted, but it's the way life is now. But He doesn't throw up His hands and forget about them, or become angry that they're not as successful as other people. Instead He watches them with eagerness and even pours out blessings on them. He doesn't completely move their life (usually) because that would ruin so much of who they are and the beauty of what they could accomplish, so He cares for us where we are.

No wonder He refers to farmers so often.

I Am A Runner

Runner's World had an article recently that defined what makes you a runner, which basically got narrowed down to one fact: if you resent it when people say you "jog," then you are a runner. But then people started listing all their personal reasons that make them feel like a runner and I liked the idea. When my runs got hard I started making my own list of things that make me a runner. Here they are in no particular order:

1. I've made myself sick to my stomach running more times than drinking alcohol
2. A heat index of 117 is not a good excuse not to run that day
3. When Kelli told me my calves were "huge! like a boy's!" in tenth grade, I pretended to be insulted, but was secretly proud
4. When I'm injured so that I can't run, and I see someone running it makes me want to cry
5. I spend more money on running (clothes, gear, race entry fees) than on my regular wardrobe
6. My destination vacations are sometimes planned around races (the rest of the time it's mission trips, which is one of my favorite things about my life)
7. I'll get up at sunrise to run, even if it means sleeping for only three hours and then going back to bed after
8. I know exactly which foods I should eat before a run depending on exactly how much time will pass between putting it in my mouth and pressing "start" on my Nike+ app
9. I have scars on my back, legs, and now chest from running and it's still not stopping me
10. Running makes my boobs smaller (I swear it's true) and yet I run

More to come, I'm sure :-P

Back to the salt mines

After my AWESOME trip to New Orleans *insert many witty comments about beefsticks, puns on the word "root", and shouts of "simmer down now!" all with a Borat accent* I've been having a little trouble getting back in the groove. Sleep has not come easily. Work has been tedious. Exercise has been pathetic (over a 10min/mile average? Puh-lease!). And I had no food in the fridge until yesterday (now it's overflowing with produce, homemade pesto, juice, and cheese.)

In my long hours where I try to stay awake overnight so as to get back on a "normal" schedule, I have spent a lot of time reading old posts on runnersworld.com (and updating my kaboodle, hint hint hint) I have decided this is the rundown of races I need to be in in the next couple years:

Feb 26, 2012: Disney Princess 1/2 marathon. I can visit the Bebe Seester for a week, see HP world (SEVERUS!!!!), escape from the frigid north for a while, and run my first 1/2 marathon! This will be the perfect first because it is sooooooo laid back. The point is more to have fun, enjoy your surroundings and get as many pictures with the characters lining the course as possible. It's going to be awesome-sauce.

May 6, 2012: The Flying Pig 1/2 marathon. My first "serious" 1/2 marathon, this will be hilly where Disney was flat and I assume I'll have to focus much more on finishing without the mutliple breaks where I'll be merely standing around waiting in line for my picture with Pain and Panic (yes I like the minor disney characters)

August 2012: Leading Ladies Marathon in South Dakota. As advertised it's "all women, all downhill." I mapped it, it really is all downhill. So. Awesome. And it appears to wind down through a mountain park, complete with waterfalls. What??? Sign me up! Hopefully there's not a heat wave like this year...

January 2013: Tinkerbell 1/2 Marathon in Anaheim, California. A trip to good ol' Cali in the middle of winter. And faeries. Don't get me started on how much I loooooooooooove faeries.

May 2013: Flying Pig Marathon. My ultimate goal. A "serious" marathon. Although how serious something can be when people dress up like pigs....

Of course some time in the future I also need to run in the NYC marathon and if I can qualify for Boston I'll do whatever it takes to be there too.

Now, not to get injured in the next two years.

Wasting time waiting for my family to come see me

1.Whats your middle name? Michelle
2.How big is your bed? Delicious delicious queen!
3.What are you listening to right now? This whirring from the computer, traffic on the highway, birds out front, my keyboard clacking and my phone periodically going off from text messages
4.What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number? Yeah....no
5.What was the last thing you ate? A banana
6.Last person you hugged? Uhhhh........does cuddling an infant at work count? If not it's probably when I left Sarah at the airport. No wait, I hugged Deebles when she left last week.
7.How is the weather right now? As sunny as 9am can be.
8.Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? SARAH!!!!! yay for facetime! Oh wait. No. I talked to random ass-hat nurse on the phone at work last night. Booooooo
9.What is the first thing you notice in the opposite sex? Hair.
10.Favorite type of food. Italian
11.Do you want children? Maybe one. I don't know. Not right now FOR SURE!!!
12.Do you drink? Hells to the yes. I spent like over 350 bucks on alcohol this year. Which, if you know how incredibly cheap I am and how much free alcohol I score...
13.Ever get so drunk you don’t remember the entire night? ENTIRE night? No.
14.Hair color? Mine? Brown, w blonde and pink highlights.
15.Eye colour? Again, mine? Hazel
16.Do you wear contacts/glasses? Not at the same time.
17.Favorite holiday? CHRISTMAS!!!!! Though I enjoy celebrating the entire span of September-December.
18.Favorite season? Fall/Winter
19.Have you ever cried over a girl/boy? Who hasn't by 25?
20.Last movie you watched? Mrs. Doubtfire.
21.What books are you reading? Eat Pray Love, Superfreakenomics, and Are You There Vodka It's Me Chelsea
22.Piercings? I have some
23.Favorite movie? Yes please
24.Favorite college football team? GATORS!!!! (you can't see me but I'm doing the gator chomp thing with my arms)
25.What were you doing before filling this out? Other meaningless stuff. Like reading my sister's tumblr, which I LOVE
26.Any pets? My parents have custody my Chasey-poo
27.Dogs or cats? As I'm not a huge fan of my face turning into a mess of snot and tears: Dogs.
28.Favorite flower? Orchid probably. Not a big flower person.
29.Have you ever loved someone? Of course, I'm not a sociopath!
30.Who would you like to see right now? My family...who will be here in the next hour or so hopefully
31.Have you ever fired a gun? *gleefully* yeeeeeeees
32.Do you like to travel by plane? I do indeed! I even like airports!
33.Right-handed or Left-handed? I am right handed but I am not preferential of what hand others use
34.If you could go to any place right now where would you go? Italy
35.Are you missing someone? Too many someones right now
36.Do you have a tattoo? Not yet. Maybe this fall
37.Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings? Did I ever? No.
38.Are you hiding something from someone? I hide a lot of different things from different people. Sarah's the only one who knows everything, and that's because it's impossible not to tell her!!!!!
39.Are you 18? No. Lame question.
40.What do before you go to bed? Everything I don't do after I go to bed. Another stupid question.

Lessons from The Bachelorette

As non-realistic as reality TV is, and as much as the Bachelor and Bachelorette make me roll my eyes, I continually realize things while watching. Things like...

Even the smug bastards have a soul: Blake. Gorgeous dental student who is continually obviously threatened by the super peppy and exhuberant Ryan, got booted after he was mean to Ashley (even though he told the camera he was sorry before he got booted) and then confessed he really just wanted a girl who could be his friend. Awwwww. Now I'm sorry I hated you.

Even the silly childish guys get serious: Ben. Floppy haired goofball really came into his own when he went out of his way to paint a mural at the orphanage they were volunteering at. Since then we've seen him really fall for Ashley and say some pretty serious stuff to the camera. Plus he's frickin' hilarious.

Even the seemingly sweet guys can be smarmy worms: Bentley. 'Nuff said.

Even guys get obsessive and jealous and petty...like girls!: JP. Every time Ashley shows any attention to anyone else he turns green and I think he's going to puke or cry. But he is fiercely devoted. Again, awwwwwww.

Finally she's ditched almost all but my favorites (Ben, JP, and Ryan) and she told Bentley to fuck off. Excited for this week!

I < 3 Cincinnati

Today I took a drive before work because I had to pick up pictures from the Meijer in Milford (apparently none of the Meijers closer to us have photo centers?). I drove through Indian Hill to get there, past the McMansions and what I really can only describe as plantations. Sometimes they even have stables and detached outdoor patios with real roofs...which is weird. Many of their driveways look like streets only they have signs that say like "9225 Shawnee Run" with an arrow...and the house is like a mile from Shawnee run....
Then I got to Milford and marveled at the 3 antique shops within a block of one another, the bike rental that I'm not sure how it supports itself in town with two stoplights and the cupcakery (!).
On my way from Meijer to work I refused to take the highway because my favorite road in the whole city is Wooster Pike. It winds through the aforementioned Milford, past picture perfect old farm houses, through Mariemont with it's old world German themed square and giant church park, along the river, past landmarks now mere shadows of when Cinci was still "The Queen City", up and down our fantastic hills, through Columbia-Tusculum with my favorite Painted Ladies (Google that shit, they're awesome houses!!), and around the tree covered corner where downtown just suddenly appears on the horizon.
Oh how I love Cincinnati! The diversity in its people, landscapes and architecture. The beauty in the contrast of new and old, the unique decrepitness of some places, the history everywhere.
Granted there are the days when I walk through the lobby and "the smell of Cincinnati" (aka stanky people) greets me, and parents are particularly stupid, and I see prostitutes or mentally ill people showing their underwear on the streets...but I love this place. I love my job and that it is both keeping me young and in touch with how kids feel and think but is also aging me ways that people decades older than me have yet to experience.
I love that I see the best and the worst and that sometimes what you expect to be the worst turns out to be better than what you thought was the best.
Cincinnati.
Yes, we have daily smog alerts in summer, we're one the ten poorest cities in the country, the asthma capital of the midwest, have almost nonexistant public transportation and a piss-poor football team, but WE ARE AWESOME!!
WHO-DEY!

Sarahless part 1

In the interest of full disclosure the following is partly cut and paste from an email sent to my BFF today.

My day today consisted of dropping off said BFF at the airport for her jaunt around Europe. And by that I mean her month of traipsing through poo filled villages, wearing crusty clothes she hand washed in a sink, and loving on kids in Romania. I so want to go next year. I could totally rock crusty clothes.

Then I slept.

Then I got up and started painting the bathroom. Two walls and the ceiling are done. Next comes COLOR!!! But that will have to wait until next week when I have more time off.

Then while the paint was drying I settled in and watched 2 incredibly retarded movies. One where Mack...I mean Gary Sinese...plays a guy who the government is tracking down bc they think an alien has killed him and replaced him with a replicate that looks just like him only is carrying a bomb in his heart. (The bomb is a nano bomb and "the components only come together at the time of explosion" so they can't xray it. Convenient.) From ze vewy vewy beginning I knew his wife was replaced. Turns out he was too. Could they have picked two actors who look more like aliens? No. No they could not. *sigh* The second was one where Hillary Duff pretends to be a business woman to gain access to hot guys who wear suits (yes, exactly that description) and then, oh no, her big crisis is that THERE ARE TOO MANY HOT GUYS INTERESTED IN HER!!! WHATEVER WILL SHE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!?! The end. Oh wait, she snags one of them.
And it turns out he was replaced by an alien with a bomb.

Who I am

The other day at work one of the girls was shopping for a new car online.
Me: I have a Yaris and I love it.
Jessica: Oh Elle, you would.
Me: What's that supposed to mean?
Jessica: Just that I can totally see you in a Yaris.
Me: I wanted the bright blue hatchback...
Jessica: You would, don't you think so?
Cindy: Yeah, you're so cute Elle.

Now, had Jessica not been a nurse that -- how to put this gently -- I am not particularly close to, I might not have even noticed. But it dawned on me that I get this response a lot at work.

Dave: Wanna trade? What did you bring for lunch?
Me: Uhhh, I have yogurt, hummus, carrots, an apple and string cheese.
Marsha: Of course you do.

*insert story detailing someone's most recent escapades ending in a joke of some kind*
Coworker: Come on, Elle, it's funny!
Me: I'm sure it is.
DP: She doesn't get it, Elle doesn't do things like that, she's a good girl.
(sidenote: DP is often wrong about the things he thinks I don't do or don't understand)

Apparently my stereotype at work is "perfect little girl." I drive a cute tiny car, I eat healthy food, rarely ever drink, don't understand raunchy jokes, and I think Joe, DP and Duffy sometimes compete for who can make me blush first. Not that I really mind this stereotype. I spent all my school years being the youngest person in class and have thus always felt more comfortable in the "little sister" role at work.

But that conversation plus another blog post mentioning bobos again got me to thinking: what kind of person am I and what kind of person do I want to be? This is always tough because I don't really fit into categories. There is just always something missing.

For instance, people always ask if I'm a vegetarian. It would be so much easier if I were. So much harder to explain "No, I just don't eat a lot of meat. Usually. I mean, I like chicken and fish like salmon or tuna. And sometimes a hamburger or sausage depending on how it's made. I eat turkey at thanksgiving and hot dogs maybe twice a year. But usually I just don't eat meat."

People like categories because it saves them the time of having to talk to you and get to know you. Like the guy at Lowes last month. I'm picking out paint and talking about how I have been trying to kill the English Ivy in my little garden and how I'm hoping the Roundup in my cart will help and the paint guy suddenly launches into how much greener it is to just throw a tarp over it until it dies.
My surprise at his attempting to talk me out of buying something from the store must have shown on my face because he nods at my cart and says "You know, it's organic."
Sitting in the bottom of my cart are two bags of organic topsoil.

Yes I love being green. I buy organic produce, visit the farmer's market whenever feasible, choose biking or walking over driving as long as the roads are safe. But it does not rule every aspect of my life. My computer is turned on at least 10-12 hours a day, our AC is set at like 79, I shop at places like Target and Lowes, and half my soaps have sulfates and/or phosphates in them.
It is something I want to become more strict about, but I've come a long way from not even owning a bike or knowing what sulfates were.

Categorizing people also helps you define your enemies. Life is hard enough without becoming friends with someone and then finding out that *GASP* they are for gun control! Oh the horrors.
If you work in our ED, or really if you live out city at all, people assume you are a Republican and therefore agree with them on everything. Recently we've had a couple new people come in who turned out to be democrats and people were shocked as if they had forgotten such people existed. I'm 100% sure that everyone at work thinks I am pro-war, anti-immigration, and anti-gay rights (well, Tonya knows that isn't true since she witnessed my mini-rant when I watched her try to navigate how to buy health insurance for her kids...must stop myself before I resume the rant...but really!!!!...ok, stopping...).
If I have learned anything outside of the Cedarville bubble it is that there are really nice Republicans and really nice Democrats who both have really good intentions. I mean, I'm sure there are people out there who are tapping their fingertips together gleefully while they plot the downfall of the human race, but really, have you ever met one?? There are also, of course, a large number of people who are just stupid and have picked their side on an issue with absolutely no forethought and they should not be allowed to vote. But just because someone doesn't agree with you doesn't make them wrong. It doesn't make you wrong. Sometimes there isn't a good solution available.
Sometimes the only perfect solution is a time machine and dammit if those aren't around yet. (Of all the hey-I-thought-of-that-first inventions out there, why has no one invented the one thing we have ALL thought of already!?!??!)

I think I have a pretty good handle on who I am, even if I send out signals that confuse other people sometimes, and I know where I want to end up.

iphone Iphone IPHONE!!!

I gots it! Finally :) And with it comes to overwhelming need to download more and more apps (especially the abundant free ones!). And with that comes the need to gush about which apps you've found that are just amazeballs. Forgetting the standards (facebook, angry birds [DIE PIGS DIE!!!!!], weather channel etc.) these are my new apps
:-D

Mixology: Never again will I stand at a bar and say "Give me something with tequila in it!" With Mixology I can search for drinks with tequila as an ingredient. Or browse by type of drink. Or find a local bar. Or get new drink recipes. Or get random facts about different alcohols. Perfect for a girl who loves to use her liver.

Talking Baby Hippo (0.99): Say anything or play any song into the mic and the baby hippo repeats it back in its baby hippo voice (dance included). 20 minutes ago I was rolling on the floor after we made Sarah's hippo sing Born This Way.

RMaker: Making your own ringtones for iphone is RIDICULOUSLY complicated!!! Fortunately, this was easy to use...once I broke down and read the tutorial (included in the app)

Flashlight: Not only does it have the ever-so-lame-but-ever-so-popular white screen flashlight, but it turns on the iphone 4's crazy bright LED flash (which really is like an actual flashlight. It will also flash emergency colors and it has an S.O.S. program that will message for help in morse code. Nifty.

Translator: With Sarah and mine's limited knowledge of French and Spanish (respectively) we tried this out and IT WORKS!!! Not only does it seem to translate (at least basic phrases) fairly accurately, but it also will speak them for you! No more butchering pronunciation!! Plus it has a bunch of languages I have never spoken or probably even heard spoken around me like Estonian, Swahili, Hatian Creole, Catalan, etc.

Coin Flip: After watching last weeks the Bachelorette Sarah and I decided coin flips make life way more exciting, but who carries change anymore? Now you don't have to. Ridiculously simple app, but that just means it's easy to use.

The Moron Test: So much entertainment. There's also a version you pay for but I'm cheap.

Quotes: Probably my favorite useless app. It's thousands of iphone wallpapers with pictures and quotes to either use or just browse through (or email to friends nonstop)

iBooks: Granted, you have to buy most of the books if you want to read them, but some (Paradise Lost, Winnie The Pooh, Secret Garden, Peter Pan etc.) are free by public domain. Good way to pass the time in a waiting room. Less likely to make people stare than playing Angry Birds and yelling "GRAVITY!!!!!"

IMDB: For those times when you just can't wait to know where you know what's-his-name from, and don't want to use your data plan to access the internet (I have mine turned off and almost only use wireless)

I have others too, but none I've been able to use yet.

In other exciting news: Running/Biking is going very well! I love living green. I wish I never had to drive anywhere! Like these people.
I am convinced that there is something that happens in your brain when you exercise that makes you happpier when you look in the mirror....even though you know logically that nothing has actually changed yet.

Strikethrough Everything You've Done

(Stolen from The Bebe Seester)
Unfortunately Blogger doesn't allow Strikethroughs so I'm just going to make them a larger size font if I've done them.

1.Had a beer.
2.Been drunk.
3.Touched a real gun.
4.Done drugs.
5.Write on a bathrom wall.
6.Read a George Orwell book.
7.Had sex.
8.Got into a fist fight.
9.Used Twitter.
10.Listened to Lady Gaga.
11.Been in a car accident.
12.Gotten suspended.
13.Gotten expelled.
14.Got a computer virus.
15.Had a hand written diary.
16.Been allergic to something.
17.Had a dog.
18.Had a cat.
19.Been pregnant.
20.Camped out.
21.Swam in the ocean.
22.Wore a bikini.
23.Meet someone online in person.
24.Made a survey.
25.Used ICQ.
26.Failed a class for the year.
27.Repeated a grade.
28.Went to summer school.
29.Got the high honor roll.
30.Got the regular honor roll (A’s and B’s.)
31.Learned to speak another language fluently.
32.Read an entire book.
33.Recorded my own music.
34.Had a xBox.
35.Listened to Rammstein.
36.Wore fishnets.
37.Bought skinny jeans.
38.Been in love.
39.Hated someone.
40.Been cheated on.
41.Cheated on someone.
42.Did something sexual with someone of the same sex.
43.Practiced Christianity.
44.Worn makeup.
45.Had a cavity.
46.Had surgery.
47.Had my license.
48.Been to college.
49.Graduated high school.
50.Attempted suicide.
51.Worn coloured contacts.
52.Painted my nails black.
53.Broken someone’s heart.
54.Had my heart broken.
55.Cried for an hour straight.
56.Lost something very valuable.
57.Got seperated from my parents as a kid.
58.Broken a bone.
59.Gotten stung by a bee.
60.Eaten something bad/expired.
61.Threw up from being so drunk.
62.Had to put a pet to sleep.
63.Participated in a swinger’s party.
64.Owned an ipod.
65.Owned an iphone. (getting one soon)
66.Fell for a best friend.
67.Stole a friend’s significant other.
68.Went far away from home for more than a week.
69.Moved out.
70.Ran away.
71.Teased my brother/sister.
72.Been to hospital.
73.Had food poisoning.
74.Had a job.
75.Been fired.
76.Lied to a friend.
77.Lied to a family member.
78.Lied to a significant other.
79.Posted a video on Youtube.
80.Started a rumor about someone.
81.Delibrately failed a test.
82.Dropped out of school.
83.Fallen down the stairs.
84.Been skinny dipping.
85.Counted to a million.
86.Counted to a thousand.
87.Ate deer meat.
88.Ate duck meat.
89.Had fast food.
90.Been to Church.
91.Been to synagogue.
92.Been married.
93.Had a divorce.
94.Broken a window.
95.Kissed someone.
96.Hugged someone.
97.Moan loudly on bed.
98.Texted someone today.
99.Received calls from your significant other today.
100.Threw something out of the window.

GAGA!!!!!

I got my Lady Gaga album today. I normally wouldn't but farmville was offering a special edition unicorn and well...yeah...I'm a nerd.

Anyway, song wonderfulness in order:

1. Born This Way. Duh. First Gaga song I ever bought and I got it the day after she debuted it at the VMAs. I love love love it. It's the song I roll down the windows and turn the volume all the way up at the stoplights and don't care if people stare while I rock out.

2. SchiiBe. I love the fake German-esque made-up language, first of all. And then there's the English parts that are so poetic I enjoy them even though I don't get them. "I wish that I could dance on a single prayer" anyone?

3. Judas. I confess I really thought this was going to be an AWFUL song. From the beginning I was really worried that I was going to have to never listen to it again, but thankfully I watched the video while I listened to it for the first time and the way I see it there are two possible interpretations. One: She feels guilty for still being attracted to/in love with an ex-boyfriend who is no good and feels like she is betraying the guy she is currently with because of it.
Two: She's trying to find Jesus but is still drawn to evil (and who isn't?)
Regardless of which one you think is more what she's going for, it's clear that the fact she is still drawn to Judas is completely wrecking her. Also the Jesus in the video is fairly protective without being violent and appears to be rather understanding so 5 stars to her for not completely falling off either end of the spectrum on that one.

4. Bad Kids. Having been able to identify with the "bad kids" she describes in the song I find it both childish and encouraging. First, it's ridiculous because it basically glorifies being a punk and blames our parents for our actions, but I can also see where she's just trying to reach out to those kids who don't feel like any adults give a shit about them. Also I like the line "Pump your fist if you would rather mess up than put up with this." It seems to me to be an invitation to branch out from the way of life we saw growing up and try to be our own people (even if it means making mistakes) even if only to avoid the mistakes our parents made. It's a positive spin on the fact that all our parents messed up at some point.

5. The Edge of Glory. Cute little love story. Supposedly about how when her grandfather died he looked at her grandmother like he was dying victorious. I dunno, I don't see it but I do get "I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you/Where we can both fall over in love"

There are several other catchy but not awesome songs (Hair, Americano, Marry the Night, Electric Chapel). Nothing compares to Poker Face though. Except Born This Way of course. Not even Poker Face can beat Born This Way.

Busy little bee

Since Sar and I decided not to move after all, I have been chin deep in redoing the townhouse. It is going to be AH-MAZING when I am done.

Check it out:

New green wall! It was time for the dark cave to go bye-bye!

Super awesome collages!

And yes, I know the pictures are itty bitty: it means you have to come visit to see them for real.

Yep, me with a power tool. What am I drilling into the ceiling? You'll have to come seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...are we sensing a pattern yet?

And wait, what is in my hair???

Is that....PINK??????

Why yes, yes it is. And purple too! I'm a regular rock star.

Next: the kitchen. then the bathroom. other bathroom. Sar's bedroom. the guest room (say wha--?!)

Also, I bought two plants. We shall see how long Corky and Orchy (rhymes with corky) stay alive. My bet is Corky will outlive Orchy but we will just have to wait and see.

Seriously America? Seriously?!

Can you spot the similarities?

In case you live under a rock, Osama Bin Laden was killed in a military operation recently and his body was dumped in the ocean.
(Well, according to Obama and the American news media anyway, but my distrust for them is 2 entirely separate blogs.)
Since then the internet has been filled with nothing but "news" of this event, facebook statuses thanking the US military for ending terror and/or serving justice, and pictures of Americans celebrating in the streets....literally. No doubt these are some of the same Americans who cried foul when pictures of Middle Eastern people celebrating 9/11 hit the news waves almost 10 years ago.
Nevermind the overall juvenile-ity (ness?) of celebrating by singing Miley Cyrus songs in front of the White House, climbing street signs waving a flag, or jumping in a lake at midnight. Nevermind that this is only going to reinforce terrorist's urge to kill us all (thank you news media for broadcasting it to the world). Nevermind the fact that just because one old man is finally out of the game does in no way mean America is off the terror hook.

Nevermind all that. What actually concerns me is Christians who are getting some sort of vicarious vengeance from all this:

"I don't think he is going to heaven, but why should the US be trying to help this man? In the Muslim faith if you are eaten by pigs you go to hell."
Soooooo...we should have fed him to pigs? Like that's going to make a difference? Oh wait, no, because that's WJWD....ah, yes."
"Welcome to hell, bin Laden."
My revulsion here is self explanatory.

And there are many more just like them.

Sure Bin Laden needed to be stopped. Yes, he deserved death according to all of society's rules and ancient traditions and Old Testament law. No, I'm not actually upset that he is (supposedly) dead. I just don't think that God would run around rejoicing over someone going to hell. I mean, He died for Bin Laden just as much as He died for Mother Theresa or James Dobson or you or me. Just because Bin Laden didn't take Him up on the offer of eternal life doesn't make God okay with it.

So yes, be grateful that our military puts their lives on the line to protect us. Be comforted that justice, though delayed, has been served at least in part. But don't rejoice in the eternal misfortunes of others.

Venus, Mars, Mercury, OH MY!

So Riley and I found this website that gives you like a gazillion zodiac signs (one for each planet, the sun, the moon.....and asteroids???) representing different parts of your life. It was super interesting, especially when you think about how much time it must have taken the ancient greeks observing their neighbors and such in order to come up with these descriptions. (Of course, like I told mom, it's not like they had anything else to do with their free time...)

Here's mine:

Sun sign: Libra -- always performing a balancing act...The Libra Sun Sign is sensitive to others' needs, especially with their partners, with whom they may share an almost psychic bond. They are happiest as part of a couple. They abhor violence, cruelty and crudeness...They will bend over backwards to make peace until they can't handle it any longer and blow their top. One of their problems is they may get that lid put back on before they've released all their anger and tension, so they are destined to explode again at a later date. They may swing back and forth between rudeness and gentleness because of this aspect...Some Libras have the perfect partner built up so much in their head that they find it next to impossible to find someone that fits...They do well in situations where they are surrounded by admirers. They love beauty, luxury and good taste. In turn, Libra Sun Signs are loyal and truly interested in your life. They may sugar coat things sometimes to make them more palatable. On the negative side, they can be flighty, shallow and flirtatious. They can be indecisive and change their opinions every other day...Once their mind is made up, they can be very single-minded. They work hard, but dislike dirty work.

Moon sign: Libra -- Libra Moon does not like to be alone. Many will get married young or choose to move in with someone. In order to facilitate this, they may make a lot of concessions to their partner in order to keep the peace. Libra Moon wants someone with them all the time, even for that little trip to fill up the gas tank...they are often found flirting...Even if they don't want to, The Libra Moon Sign person will see flaws in their relationships and everything around them. Even worse, until it is fixed, it will continue to gnaw at them...Having the last word is important to them. You may feel like they've got you on trial all the time and you're getting grilled, though they're great to have on your side when they're supporting you...They make excellent planners, but they would rather delegate to others the actual hands on work...They are transparent and it is hard for them to hide their feelings. At the same time, they can change their personality to fit who they are spending time with. This is skill, not a trick. This allows other to feel comfortable around them, though it may be confusing at times. Intellectual stimulation is a must...Indecisive, Libra Moon must weigh each side of a decision over and over to make sure they are choosing correctly, even on what to have for lunch. At the same time, they are concerned with balance in life. If they sense things are out of balance, they will do what they must to redress this fact, even if someone has to lose out once in awhile. They love their family and home, though it may not be openly apparent to all. They are affectionate and encouraging to those around them.

Explains why I have been obsessed with balance for as long as I can remember)


Uranus sign: Sagitarrius -- strong on intuition. They are gifted with visions, precognitive dreams and the imagination. Their premonitions may be uncanny...They may also want to help humanity as a whole. They like to travel and learn from their new surroundings. Sagittarius Uranus may also be very eccentric or erratic in behavior. They may hold their own opinions on the law and religion...They may only see their side of the story, being oblivious to everyone else. They enjoy shocking people by what they say or do. They are adventurous and seek independence. Sagittarius Uranus loves science and philosophy. They love to keep abreast of the latest discoveries. They don't like conventional thinking; they like to start anew. They are not afraid to put themselves in danger to seek knowledge. They love to be free to say what they want and go where they wish. Generous, open-hearted and progressive, they may stun others with their ways. Uranus in Sagittarius does not like the rigidity of academics, but they understand the need for it...They are interesting to talk to, and they are always direct. This person is very open to trying new things. They may clash with those who hold traditional scientific or religious views.

Saturn: Scorpio -- impatient. They demand a lot from themselves and from those around them. They can be so intense that it can be overwhelming to those who are not as directed as they are. Full of willpower and energy, they are so determined to meet their goals it is hard for them to remain calm...When hurt, they can be unforgiving. They don't like to be treated unfairly...Scorpio Saturn fears emotional rejection and being inadequate. This fear may cause them to overcompensate in other areas...They are afraid of being taken advantage of...By revealing their motivations, they may master their issues.

Jupiter: Aquarius -- good at breaking rules and thinking outside the box...They are not afraid to step away from tradition to make new discoveries. Some may call them genius, others eccentric. The point is, Aquarius Jupiter is not afraid to be different...Jupiter in Aquarius wants to make the world better for everyone...They are excellent at networking and can inspire those around them to bigger and better things...They are independent humanitarians who want to learn about the subjects that help mankind...They have pioneer spirit that many traditionalists don't want to encourage. They like to socialize. Social reform is important to them to help the downtrodden and the poor.

Mars: Virgo -- practical, if a bit scattered at times. This is only because they are doing so many things at once. Even so, they manage to get everything done. They may take on more than they can handle sometimes. They are usually logical and disciplined...Be wary of pushing them too far, however, as they can be very difficult when annoyed. They can get nervous easily. They like to do things their way...They make successful careers in the health fields, mostly because they like to help others. They need to feel wanted and useful. Sometimes they can be intolerant and they don't like to get emotional...They don't handle idleness well. They are born perfectionists, though they will deny it. They are somewhat shy and humble, but they want to learn and experience new things, so this often helps them overcome any shyness.When it comes to relationships, Mars in Virgo is subtle. They only shine with their partner in private...They generally like people who mostly go through life unnoticed. Virgo Mars will do lots of little things for their partner to make them feel appreciated and loved...They may even prefer a partner who has imperfections so they can care and nurture them.

Venus: Virgo -- Virgo Venus will quietly work their way into your heart. They are sensitive, if a little insecure, and many people find this reserved loner very attractive. They usually play it safe and they must know that you like them before they'll make the tiniest move. They are great listeners, and they spend time observing your habits and reactions so they know all the ins and outs of your personality. Like a small child with a crush, they may indicate their interest by being a nuisance...They may need a little space once in awhile...Don't push them into meeting everyone in your address book too quickly. They are shy and not really crowd people. Let them know how valuable they are to you, this means a lot to them...They can be very critical at times, but you can take comfort in the fact that this most discriminating sign has chosen you for a reason. They don't like people who have habits they dislike, and they appreciate someone who is punctual...In friendship, Virgo Venus likes to be needed and useful. When taken advantage of, however, you may begin to feel unappreciated. They are quiet and analytical, and very choosy who they have for friends...If you want to win the affection of a Virgo Venus, pay attention to what they do for you and show your appreciation. Dress well and always behave with good manners.

Neptune: Capricorn -- Capricorn Neptune is serious and likes to think things over...they may tend towards melancholy, secrets and deceit. When they get this way, they want to shut themselves away from the world...Many become cynics or critics. They may be accused of not having enough compassion...They like to be in authority. Their only problem is getting reality to work as they think it should.

Pluto: Scorpio -- Pluto in Scorpio is ruled by strong emotions. Not only do they react according to their own emotions, but they can understand how others feel as well...Intensity is the key word for them. Scorpio Pluto knows how to bring things that are hidden out into the light. They fight for human rights and they have a talent for helping the unconventional become accepted...Scorpio Pluto may tend towards dark thoughts. They naturally filter out the good and happy things, focusing on the darker, secret motives of those around us. They may feel that they know best in every situation...Their emotional courage, deep understanding and the ability to face their own wounds as well as those they have given to others can create a strong person you want on your side. They can be rather manipulative or controlling at times. They tend to question all the rules and may feel oppressed by the status quo. Their passionate natures incline them to experience as much as possible. They also have great willpower.

VACAY so far: DC

Day 1: Thursday: Hopped on a jet plane to DC where momma and the bebe seester had a Chipotle bowl waiting for me.

Day 2: Friday: 3 mile run motivated by the fact that my work-twin is training for the flying pig half marathon and invited me to go running with her. Problem is, her "short run" day is 4 miles and I hadn't run at all since the beginning of February. So operation get-fit-over-vacation got underway. Then clubbing with the bebe seester where I introduced her to Sara S's gummy bear shots.

Day 3: Saturday: Operation GFOV continued with body combat class and a couple mile run with the dog which left every muscle in my body aching just in time for...

Day 4: Sunday: ...dress shopping with Lotte for prom. Miraculously short and easy process (after we realized we got there an hour before the mall opened, anyway) that got me out of going to church. Score!

Day 5: Monday: Zoo time with momma. including a 3 mile walk around the park. (Sure felt like longer than 3 miles, but I'll take it.) Unfortunately we ignored our Florida-bred-instincts and forewent the sunscreen. Yeah....ouch.

Day 6: Tuesday: Chillaxing at home, gluten-free pizza (DELISH!), and stalking the bebe seester like a paparazzi at the allergy clinic.

Day 7: Wednesday: Today: My solo trip into DC got rained out so I took a long nap and vegged in front of the laptop like a sloth. Hence this blog posting. Hopefully the trip works itself out tomorrow, then it's a road trip to NY, dad's 50th bday party and exploring The City before trekking back to my city, the Queen City, the 'Nati :)

And now I feel thoroughly slug-like (and not in the good Harry Potter Slug Club kind of way) so I think I will drag my lazy ass outside for another run...

Grey's Grazed the Shark

Seriously?! How did we go from causing people to Mc-ify their lives, dramatic and unexpected deaths, and basically being a cult following to.....whatever this week was? Here is my live blogging of Song Beneath the Song I'm going to hate this. I do. I hate it. I love the use of old songs. Maybe it won't be so bad. Sara Ramirez deserves an Emmy for nailing to wide-eyed-panic of a trauma vic I hate it again. It's pretty cool how they use the songs to show what we think of in a trauma. Ha ha: surgeons running a trauma in the ED. Haha writers, haha. I HATE this badly timed lip syncing!!!! ADDY IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok the dialogue is being forced between lyrics and it's obvious. And annoying. Addy! addy! addy! addy! addy! addy! addy! addy! addy! Ick, I hate these songs. "Seattle Grace Mercy Death" Highlight of the episode. Ok, if you forget it's Grey's Anatomy, the duets are kind of awesome. Burke...? These lyrics fail at being tie-ins They cannot kill Callie in such a lame way. Uhhhhh...now we don't change glove going from one surgical patient to the next?? Ok, she lives but it's still the lamest GA episode EVER!

I couldn't live without cabbies, cruise control, and my cell phone

Happy St Paddys!!!

I was supposed to meet up with the girls from work at 4:30 at Allie-manders house so I set my alarm for 4pm. I am, however, awoken multiple times by the neighbors and get shit for sleep...
*ahem*
I wake up and realize It's really dark in here...what the hell time is it?!!? I roll over and my cell is flashing the alarm at me saying "4:50" and I'm like $(^^*)# I overslept! I quickly exit the alarm to find that is
Seven frickin' thirty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I have text messages from Allie telling me her mom got taken to the hospital so plans got changed. I only have Allie and Liz's numbers and Liz had to work. So I text Liz begging for Becca's number, then 10 minutes later suck it up and ask Allie to text me Erin's number if she has time (bc I have no idea what's going on with her mom.) The following is a rough timeline of the night:

7:45 Get Erin's number. Erin tells me they are at Molly Malones. I google it, find out it's just up the road and get in my car.

8:15 Paid 5 bucks for parking and 5 bucks for cover at Molly's, am wandering around the very crowded tent area looking for the girls.

8:45 Find out they are actually at the Molly Malone's in Covington and my GPS has no idea where that is. Erin says 5th street. I zoom in and out on my GPS until I can figure out how to find 5th street.

9:20 Am trying to follow my GPS's circle-y directions to 5th street.

9:30 have been up and down the entire length of 5th street. No Molly's. Finally pull into a gas station on 4th st and ask if they know where this is. The attendent looks at me and says "Yeah...it's that building right there." I say "But this is 4th st!!!" and she says "Yeah......." I want to scream. Instead I buy 2 coca colas because I have not had anything to eat or drink all day and the limit for credit cards is 3 bucks.

9:45 I finally find parking (FREE until 5am...I dont stop to think about what I might be like at 5am or what may happen to my car....) and text Erin for the 25th time about how to find them and whether they are leaving soon bc I know the plan was to be in Mt Adams at 10pm. Erin says come in anyway.

10:05 I am side tracked by Sean as we leave for Mt Adams and almost miss the taxi the girls are trying to hail. Instead I make it to the group in time to hear Becca agree to let some random guy who apparently works on transport for Children's drive us....but he thinsk we work in the RCNIC...and wants to take us to his place first. He leaves his green fireman hat with us "so I know you won't leave before I get back" (from peeing). Erin veto's this idea and we leave poor Dave holding the hat as Becca, Nicole, Erin and I jump in a cab.

10:10 I'm fairly certain our cabbie is the taxi killer from CSI and we're going to wind up dead in an abandoned warehouse bc he is the most impersonable person we have ever met.

10:20 We arrive in Mt Adams, not a warehouse.

10:30 First drink, YAY!!!! (amaretto sour bc Becca thought I wouldn't be able to handle the tequila shot I wanted. Boo Becca, I prove you wrong by the end of the night!)

11:00 As I'm nursing my green beer (and coca-cola chaser!) Erin's asshole stalker boyfriend and his bitch sister show up. Allie also shows up (YAY!) and Erin leaves with the asshole, crying (BOO!!!!!).

11:30 I am fairly bored. Need more alcohol. Finish beer. I find part of a St Patrick's Day lei on our table and make a choker out of it.

12:00 Audra and Sara show up with friends from across the street. Becca's new wanna-be boyfriend-interest shows up. We all go inside to get drinks. I get seperated in the crowd.

12:15 I've been standing at the bar faaaaaaaaaaaaar too long and some random guy elbows his way next to me and start bumping me with his hip. I shoot him nasty looks and move down the bar. He follows. I make pointed eye contact and glare at him. He sits on the stool behind me and I attempt to kick it out from under him. Damn my 112lbs, it doesn't work.

12:20 Still no drink and random asshat behind me starts grabbing at my waist. I whirl around, smack him across the chest and snap "Quit it!" Realize a different random and apparently sober guy is watching this whole thing. I shoot him an apologetic smile and try to go back to waiting for my drink. I hear sober guy tell Mr. Grabby that if he falls asleep at the bar he'll get arrested. I am confused.

12:25 I am sick of getting grabbed at, and head for Allie who I have spotted at the other end of the bar (and have gestured to multiple times about how I am about to stab the idiot behind me in the eyeball with the straw in my hand).

12:28 Still no drink but the random sober guy comes over to me and asks "Was that guy touching you?" I say "Yeah, I eventually just had to leave." He dissappears and I gloat to Allie "I thinl Douchebag is about to get his ass kicked by that guy. " Allie say "Uh, that's a bouncer!"

12:30 Douchebag is kicked out by the bouncer, who then comes to me and apologizes and say "I didn't do anything before because I thought he was your boyfriend." I'm like "Hells no! I've never seen him before in my life!" I get my Tequila Sunrise.

12:35 I am finally finally wasted. Thank God for tequila. I have also shared the story about getting a guy kicked out like 4 times by now. Becca leaves with possible future boyfriend.

12:50 Becca comes back as I attempt to order a shot. She pulls me from the bar and makes me sit on a stool just saying "No. No, Elle, no." Over and over. I ask if she is now my big sister or something. She says yes. Think moment ranks up with when she told me I was her favorite orientee and when she officially made 'Elly-bean my nickname.

01:00 Sara asks if I tried the gummy bear shot. I tell her big sister said I can't order one. Sara hands me hers. She is instantly added to my list of best-work-friends. I confess that I can't remember if we were friends when she was a PCA or if that was Desiree. Sara says it was her. I am relieved beyond all measure.

01:10 Becca lets future boyfriend buy me a shot. Yay! Allie and I discuss how Becca a f.b.f. both want to leave but both want to make a good impression on each by staying.

01:30 Becca and f.b.f. finally get what they want and leave. Again. Allie, Sara and I head across the street for PIZZA!!!!!

02:00 I rave about how delicious the pizza is and how cheap! ($2 a slice!!! Clearly I am drunk.) Allie tells me that since I have to drive home eventually she will not buy me a shot. I order a beer and another slice of pizza. Two guys buy me and Sara shots. Sara flirts with the bartender.

02:30 Bar closes. We are told to "get the fuck out already" and follow friends of Sara to their apartment a block (a few blocks?....I don't remember) away.

03:00 We are deeply engrossed in a debate about The Bachelor...even though I never watch it.

03:45 While playing with the iphone app FatBooth (make your friends look fat in their pictures), Sara Allie and I become more and more aware of the fact that Natasha is being felt up while passed out drunk. We are not ok with this. I am even more convinced that one should never go out drinking without friends. It is both lame and dangerous.

04:00 Allie and I call cabs. Sara repeatedly smacks the roommate of the guy who felt Natasha up for not agreeing with us and helping us get her to leave (she is too drunk to make up her mind about leaving with us versus staying)

04:10 I tell my cabbie how much more awesome he is than our last cabbie.

04:35 I arrive home. Not chained in a warehouse. Not on some random guy's couch. Not dead in a ditch.

Fun night!

I sooooooooooooo *HEART* Gaga

She is my superstar alter ego.
For real. If I was a pop singer I would totally be her. I love her. She is awesome. And if you don't agree there is really no way to explain why I love her like I do.
End of gushing.
I think I may be coming down with something: I've felt just kind of gross and have been sleeping for 16 hours at a time.
...of course I also had my binge drinking day with the nurses on Friday......so that could be playing a part. And Girl Scout cookies came in, so my eating habits have taken a dive.
Anyway, today is trauma review at noon. St Patricks Thursday and hopefully hanging out with some people from work, if anyone actually ever gets plans together. And in less than a month I'll be in the middle of my DC/NY trip which I am so totally psyched for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Packing is going to be a challenge though...

I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way!

What the heck is a bobo??

I was reading through OffBeatHome today (love it!) and one of the writers described themselves as a "bobo" with a link to the wiki explanation. In reading it I realized that I too often fit into that category, though--I hope--with less spending. The combination of bourgeois and bohemian fits me more than I would like. I would prefer to be 100% bohemian but am sadly far too materialistic for that. It was interesting to consider whether the combination is a source of disparity and cognitive dissonance, or if believing that you could only be one or the other was actually a false dichotomy.
Hmmmm.
After watching FoodMatters (not nearly as good as Food Inc. but far more challenging) I forced myself to down glass after glass of water today (the bobo in me thinks I should install a filtration device on the kitchen sink). I realized that I definitely snack when I'm just thirsty, and also that I hardly ever drink anything anymore.

I'm really wanting to buy a blender to make green smoothies in but the one all the veg's recommend is $400!!! The bobo in me says it is worth the price to be healthy and knows that I will probably never make a spinach-pineapple shake without an expensive appliance guilting me into it.

Speaking of food, I've done fairly well avoiding bad-for-me foods today, at least compared to normal:

Breakfast (at 7pm) was a handful of spelt preztels with roasted red pepper hummus to tide me over until my baked sweet potato (topped with a little butter, a littler pepper and a lot of cinnamon) was ready. A few hours later came a snack of fruit salad (pineapple, kiwi, blood orange, navel orange, pink lady apples, danjou pears, pink grapefruit and bananas) and organic granola. Now I am settling in to continue my 24 marathon with a small bowl of turkey chili and a tortilla.

Thursday morning update

I saw Sar's laptop open to my page earlier and realized it had been too long since my last post. Here's some highlights in my life.

--The South Africa trips have been cancelled! :( In short my church and the church we partner with mutually agreed to part ways in search of resources better suited for each. It was sad, but answered the question I had about why I wasn't feeling as excited about the October trip as I thought I should be.

--My downpayment is in for the NOLA trip! :) $85 down, $765 to go. Much less daunting than the $5,350 I originally had to raise for both trips. As soon as my name is part of the search engine I will send out letters. Also exciting is that my friend Sarah S. from my last trip to Mamelodi is going to (hopefully) be my roommate and go group team member this trip. I'm really excited!!!

--ATLS class was awesome and I learned to perform an emergency crichothyrotomy, pericardiocentesis, chest tube and DPL. Then I got to play the real live part of Trauma goddess for approx 5 minutes the other night when we got some kids from a fire. I loved it. Trauma is my calling. My love. Oh, how I love you, dear Trauma!! We shall run away together and live happily ever after! *swoons*

--Having spent an inordinate amount of time reading OffBeat and watching netflix documentaries I'm getting more and more eco-nutty every day. What started out as plans to make the new house more energy efficient with a dual flush toilet system, water saving showerheads and faucets, and a giant freezer in the basement for bulk foods, quickly became solar panels on the roof and a compost in the backyard and then morphed into growing my own garden, raising little raw-food vegan kiddos, and sewing my own clothes!
How I plan to manage all that when I cannot sew, hate to be outside, and love cheese has yet to be decided...but I did find this amazing restaurant not far from where we live! As well as discovered that I love spelt pretzels, roasted red pepper hummus, and carob bars.

Yes, I will admit 90% of my reasoning for becoming such a little green-girl because it is trendy, but I also believe they all have a point. I don't think global warming is going to melt our ice caps and drown us all in penguin fecees or anything, but I definitely agree that we are poisoning our bodies with our geneticall engineered American diets (with a side pesticides and antibiotics, please!)

But I do look so cute in my boho getup, toting around my "I used to be a plastic bottle" eco-friendly reusable grocery bag.

Those hours between 6 and noon

I often wake up early in the morning after I've had a few days off, like today. Problem is, I have to be at work tonight. The plan recently has been to get up and then go back to bed between noon and 2pm until 5 or 6.

But what to do in those random hours?

Today I was purusing Off Beat Brides again (I can not wait until they launch Off Beat Home and I can feel not so incredibly random reading a website that has nothing to do with me) and they showcased this awesome company: Brilliant Earth. Brilliant Earth is dedicated to ethical jewelry, whether that means mining diamonds in Canada, working with a specific sapphire mine in Malawi to ensure the miners are properly compensated, using recycled gold, or only supporting pearl farmers who don't damage the oyster and mussel eco system. This is SO AWESOME because I have always wanted a gorgeous engagement ring but ever since I saw Blood Diamond, I have been 100% opposed to diamonds and extremely wary of all precious stones. I was glad to see that Brilliant Earth shares my skepticism of the Kimberly Process (after all, even though Blood Diamond advertised the process, the movie begins with the premise that diamonds can be smuggled into "Kimberly approved" areas from conflict areas).

Anyway, these are the gorgeous rings I found. They happen to be vintage/antique rings, which I am up in the air about. On one hand you're recycling a ring so there is less impact to the environment and you lower the demand for new stones (plus they are generally more unique and thus more amazing), but on the other hand, I just do not want to look at my ring every day and wonder if I am wearing some small child's life on my finger. *shudder*

But these settings can serve as inspiration either way:

This one is just so me. Simple, with a splash of blue: I love it. My mom's engagement ring is a sapphire with diamonds on either side so of course growing up I just came to think that is what engagement rings should look like. I like the idea of having the reverse of that. Plus, I need a ring where the stones are secure and not sitting on top of the ring where they can get caught on gloves or cut a kid while I am trying to hold them down.

This one is just exquisite. I absolutely adore the light blue diamond and the hearts on either side. Again with sapphires to the sides as well. Plus the setting is just downright GORGEOUS. You can't see it well from the size of these pictures but there are little hearts engraved on all sides. I love hearts. I am such a girl. This is definitely not a ring that could be worn to work. Well, not without a care-ring anyway (invented by the wife of a Medic at work and not yet for sale to the general public. Google it in a few months.)

Brilliant Earth also has other jewelry available. This happens to be a conflict free Indian garnet. One of the first of it's kind and soooooooooooo beautiful.

Now that I have successfully wasted many hours, it's time to head back to sleep! Only one day of work this week, then 2 days of Advanced Trauma Life Support Class (!!!) and it's off to a weekend of fun, including Debb's high school winter "rave" dance. Can't wait to rock out with my Forever 21 black and zippery vest-ish dress (purchased and worn prior to learning about their sinful business practices) and bright blue tights from Target! Will be AWESOME!

The End in Here!!!

Yesterday was officially the end of my 6 for 30 experiment and I am sooooooooooooooo glad! I got so tired of it that I stopped taking pictures, obviously. I failed to accessorize well and this last week it's been too warm to wear my sweaters (about which I am most definitely NOT complaining!) In celebration of the end of boredom and the beginning of warmer weather I am decked out in my jean mini, thigh high grey socks with pink tassels (a gift from my F.E. sister), pink tank top, graphic T from Target (a great 10 dollar buy that I love to wear), and my grey and pink fleece. Maybe I'll find the motivation to take a picture later.

Even though I failed to make my 6 in 30 an appealing adventure, I did learn a few things:
1. People don't notice that you wear the same things over and over. Or if they do, they don't care. As long as it doesn't smell and you don't look like a slob, no one is going to say anything.
2. I would rather have a dozen articles of clothing I love to wear than a closet full of clothes I feel "meh" about.

Also, I was so fashion deprived during the last month that I spent more time reading my fashion websites and so I learned about the horrible business practices of some of the discount clothing chains, including my personal favorite: Forever 21. Sad. It turns out that they have been accused of copying high end clothing (and I've seen the photos), which is unethical and uncreative. Some of the people they ripped off of are still trying to start labels and can't afford to sell their clothes for cheaper so it's doubly wrong, in my book. Also they've been paying substandard wages through ridiculous loopholes to immigrants around the country. Apalling!
As much I wish it weren't true, that means no more Forever 21 for me. *cries* It's not all bad though, after all fast-food fashion or disposable clothing, is much more expensive in the long run. I buy a shirt for 10 bucks and wear it once or twice, versus spending 35 on a shirt I'll wear 30-50 times.
The end result is that I now have to be on the lookout for better clothes, just like I look for better food. Locally made, second hand, eco-friendly etc. I try to think of it as a fun challenge instead of a burden. That's how I finally managed to go organic to the extent that I have so I have high hopes.

...also, H&M apparently do not follow the shadyness of Forever 21 so I still have one store...

::EDIT::

<--After shopping Sar snapped this picture of me with my haul.

$100 later I have awesome fur boots, a rocking silver pearl necklace, a gorgeous scarf, and 4 valentine plates. -->

And I found my new favorite Starbucks drink: Toffee Mocha Frap with Whip. Salty sweet goodness in a cup!

Days 13-19: aka week 3-ish

Ah, it's been so long...Let's see...

Well I worked Monday and Tuesday.

Wednesday I literally slept all day. All day. Except for 2.5 hours (split into two seperate periods of time) where I was up long enough to eat and watch an episode of Gilmore Girls with Sarah in my PJs. So no pictures from that day.

Then Thursday I'd finally recovered and the roomie and I posed for this masterpiece:

That's right. She is Ursula from The Little Mermaid. It was a costume for Spirit Week at her school. And it is awesome. (I'm supposed to be Ariel and this is the scene where Ursula steals her voice.)

I finally met with a mortgage broker (she called me a golden nugget) and looked at houses Thursday, before riding with Sarah to Dayton to see Lindsay and Matt (and watch a very disappointing Inception)

Then back to work Friday and Saturday (after Xroads, of course) and then finally we arrive at today.

I drove around looking at neigborhoods since my house hunting Thursday was fruitless. Then I ran to Walmart where I picked up birth control and prenatal vitamins. (The irony was not lost on me and thus the slightly confused facial expression I chose for today's picture.) I'm trying to grow my hair out and Abby recommends prenatal vitamins for that. At first I was a little wary, seeing as I don't want to overload my body with iron and folic acid with no fetus to use it up (that's right, nooooooo fetus) but since they tell you to start taking them before you are pregnant I decided the chances of it killing me are probably pretty low.