Happy St Paddys!!!
I was supposed to meet up with the girls from work at 4:30 at Allie-manders house so I set my alarm for 4pm. I am, however, awoken multiple times by the neighbors and get shit for sleep...
*ahem*
I wake up and realize It's really dark in here...what the hell time is it?!!? I roll over and my cell is flashing the alarm at me saying "4:50" and I'm like $(^^*)# I overslept! I quickly exit the alarm to find that is
Seven frickin' thirty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I have text messages from Allie telling me her mom got taken to the hospital so plans got changed. I only have Allie and Liz's numbers and Liz had to work. So I text Liz begging for Becca's number, then 10 minutes later suck it up and ask Allie to text me Erin's number if she has time (bc I have no idea what's going on with her mom.) The following is a rough timeline of the night:
7:45 Get Erin's number. Erin tells me they are at Molly Malones. I google it, find out it's just up the road and get in my car.
8:15 Paid 5 bucks for parking and 5 bucks for cover at Molly's, am wandering around the very crowded tent area looking for the girls.
8:45 Find out they are actually at the Molly Malone's in Covington and my GPS has no idea where that is. Erin says 5th street. I zoom in and out on my GPS until I can figure out how to find 5th street.
9:20 Am trying to follow my GPS's circle-y directions to 5th street.
9:30 have been up and down the entire length of 5th street. No Molly's. Finally pull into a gas station on 4th st and ask if they know where this is. The attendent looks at me and says "Yeah...it's that building right there." I say "But this is 4th st!!!" and she says "Yeah......." I want to scream. Instead I buy 2 coca colas because I have not had anything to eat or drink all day and the limit for credit cards is 3 bucks.
9:45 I finally find parking (FREE until 5am...I dont stop to think about what I might be like at 5am or what may happen to my car....) and text Erin for the 25th time about how to find them and whether they are leaving soon bc I know the plan was to be in Mt Adams at 10pm. Erin says come in anyway.
10:05 I am side tracked by Sean as we leave for Mt Adams and almost miss the taxi the girls are trying to hail. Instead I make it to the group in time to hear Becca agree to let some random guy who apparently works on transport for Children's drive us....but he thinsk we work in the RCNIC...and wants to take us to his place first. He leaves his green fireman hat with us "so I know you won't leave before I get back" (from peeing). Erin veto's this idea and we leave poor Dave holding the hat as Becca, Nicole, Erin and I jump in a cab.
10:10 I'm fairly certain our cabbie is the taxi killer from CSI and we're going to wind up dead in an abandoned warehouse bc he is the most impersonable person we have ever met.
10:20 We arrive in Mt Adams, not a warehouse.
10:30 First drink, YAY!!!! (amaretto sour bc Becca thought I wouldn't be able to handle the tequila shot I wanted. Boo Becca, I prove you wrong by the end of the night!)
11:00 As I'm nursing my green beer (and coca-cola chaser!) Erin's asshole stalker boyfriend and his bitch sister show up. Allie also shows up (YAY!) and Erin leaves with the asshole, crying (BOO!!!!!).
11:30 I am fairly bored. Need more alcohol. Finish beer. I find part of a St Patrick's Day lei on our table and make a choker out of it.
12:00 Audra and Sara show up with friends from across the street. Becca's new wanna-be boyfriend-interest shows up. We all go inside to get drinks. I get seperated in the crowd.
12:15 I've been standing at the bar faaaaaaaaaaaaar too long and some random guy elbows his way next to me and start bumping me with his hip. I shoot him nasty looks and move down the bar. He follows. I make pointed eye contact and glare at him. He sits on the stool behind me and I attempt to kick it out from under him. Damn my 112lbs, it doesn't work.
12:20 Still no drink and random asshat behind me starts grabbing at my waist. I whirl around, smack him across the chest and snap "Quit it!" Realize a different random and apparently sober guy is watching this whole thing. I shoot him an apologetic smile and try to go back to waiting for my drink. I hear sober guy tell Mr. Grabby that if he falls asleep at the bar he'll get arrested. I am confused.
12:25 I am sick of getting grabbed at, and head for Allie who I have spotted at the other end of the bar (and have gestured to multiple times about how I am about to stab the idiot behind me in the eyeball with the straw in my hand).
12:28 Still no drink but the random sober guy comes over to me and asks "Was that guy touching you?" I say "Yeah, I eventually just had to leave." He dissappears and I gloat to Allie "I thinl Douchebag is about to get his ass kicked by that guy. " Allie say "Uh, that's a bouncer!"
12:30 Douchebag is kicked out by the bouncer, who then comes to me and apologizes and say "I didn't do anything before because I thought he was your boyfriend." I'm like "Hells no! I've never seen him before in my life!" I get my Tequila Sunrise.
12:35 I am finally finally wasted. Thank God for tequila. I have also shared the story about getting a guy kicked out like 4 times by now. Becca leaves with possible future boyfriend.
12:50 Becca comes back as I attempt to order a shot. She pulls me from the bar and makes me sit on a stool just saying "No. No, Elle, no." Over and over. I ask if she is now my big sister or something. She says yes. Think moment ranks up with when she told me I was her favorite orientee and when she officially made 'Elly-bean my nickname.
01:00 Sara asks if I tried the gummy bear shot. I tell her big sister said I can't order one. Sara hands me hers. She is instantly added to my list of best-work-friends. I confess that I can't remember if we were friends when she was a PCA or if that was Desiree. Sara says it was her. I am relieved beyond all measure.
01:10 Becca lets future boyfriend buy me a shot. Yay! Allie and I discuss how Becca a f.b.f. both want to leave but both want to make a good impression on each by staying.
01:30 Becca and f.b.f. finally get what they want and leave. Again. Allie, Sara and I head across the street for PIZZA!!!!!
02:00 I rave about how delicious the pizza is and how cheap! ($2 a slice!!! Clearly I am drunk.) Allie tells me that since I have to drive home eventually she will not buy me a shot. I order a beer and another slice of pizza. Two guys buy me and Sara shots. Sara flirts with the bartender.
02:30 Bar closes. We are told to "get the fuck out already" and follow friends of Sara to their apartment a block (a few blocks?....I don't remember) away.
03:00 We are deeply engrossed in a debate about The Bachelor...even though I never watch it.
03:45 While playing with the iphone app FatBooth (make your friends look fat in their pictures), Sara Allie and I become more and more aware of the fact that Natasha is being felt up while passed out drunk. We are not ok with this. I am even more convinced that one should never go out drinking without friends. It is both lame and dangerous.
04:00 Allie and I call cabs. Sara repeatedly smacks the roommate of the guy who felt Natasha up for not agreeing with us and helping us get her to leave (she is too drunk to make up her mind about leaving with us versus staying)
04:10 I tell my cabbie how much more awesome he is than our last cabbie.
04:35 I arrive home. Not chained in a warehouse. Not on some random guy's couch. Not dead in a ditch.
Fun night!
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