10 years later

I have two theories about my spiritual life.
1. I was saved when I was 4 by acknowledging Christ died for my sins and accepting the gift of salvation, but I didn't make Him the master of my life, didn't align myself with Him and eventually even went to His enemy like a whore but He loved me anyway and accepted me the second I realized my mistake and turned my back on my former life, on Sept 12, 2001.
2. I wasn't saved until I was 15, standing in church, completely terrified of the future, turning to Christ as the only One who I knew could save me, again on Sept 12, 2001.

Who knows, I don't really care when it happened, only that it did. Either way, Sept 12 is an important day for me and I claimed it as my birthday. That in mind: today is my 10th birthday!!!! Woo hoo! What better way to celebrate than go to the Crossroads Game Change update? (Answer: there's not really a better way!)

No one needs to be told how excited I was for this update, or how many times I was on the verge of tears, or how many times I threw my head back laughing, or how many times I clapped oh-so-excitedly...because you all know me.

2012 is going to be a very exciting and very life changing time, if I let it. CityLink opens in the fall, they're resuming South Africa trips, and the permanent aftercare homes will finally be open in India too. These are the things that I care about. These are the things I was made for. These are the things that when other people talk about them, my heart falls into it's best rhythm. Like when you reach that speed that your car was built to go and it kind of calms into it's most efficient and smoothest ride.

What does the next year look like for me? I don't know. This year was supposed to hold a big move from apartment to house but that didn't happen and I'm no longer convinced that is the best plan. What I do know is that my job in the ED was never supposed to be a long-term thing. I was never going to retire there. I was never going to be one of the nurses who worked there for 25 years. It was just never the plan. Whether that means I'll eventually take a position at CityLink, or move to South Africa, or get married and adopt and raise a bunch of little lives, or enter full-time ministry, or just transfer to the NICU for a while, I still have no idea. But I feel more and more like my time in the ED is drawing to a close. I still enjoy the work but my heart feels more and more out of rhythm there. I feel drawn to live in a smaller place, spend less money, volunteer more, be around people who have the same vision and passions.

What I do know is that I don't want to look back on my life and think "Blah."