(Quick summary: I'm physically exhausted and in pain, I'm emotionally sick and tired of people's inhuman expectations being placed on me, I can't wear the clothes I want [Saris/Shalwar Kameez] and people are morons. Ready, go.)
1. My internal clock is working like the island on Lost.
Which is why I am about to write an insanely long post at 2 o'clock in the morning. It is also why I am going to try and schedule a massage tomorrow. This has me very happy because my back is KILLING me (I hold all my tension between my shoulder blades and the last few weeks have been heaps of stress...on top of the ever present chronic stress of my intensely short nursing program)
2. ReveLife helps me learn things about myself.
Like today: there were your average number of people decrying the fact that Christians don't follow every law in the Bible but for some reason today I had to respond because I finally figured out what I wanted to say:
"I'm against cherry picking/buffet Christianity too but please remember no one is perfect (and there are a great many of us who never claim to be) and just because you're wrong about one thing (not following all the laws, for instance) doesn't mean you're wrong about everything (eg. the main message of Christianity).
I'm not trying to start a fight, I just get so tired of the stereotypes and the expectation to be absolutely and impossibly perfect. Don't you?"
We'll see how they take it...My guess is I'll get a ton of responses about how I'm being judegemental/exclusive/superior etc. for claiming the main message of Christianity is true. ...Which was not really the point of my statement, as you can see by the impossibly large type I used for the last two sentences.
3. I am tired of being held to impossible standards.
Yep, I'm reiterating my last point so I can flesh it out.
I know that the Bible holds us to a higher standard and I'm okay with that because God is perfect and He gave up His life for me so I'm perfectly fine with Him calling me out over things.
And I know that we're supposed to be set apart and live a life that is different from the rest of the world so that we stand out. (Well, we found a way around that didn't we? We don't follow the Bible but we sure stand out.... [god hates f*** group anyone. Why do I continue to give them publicity? I don't know. Maybe for the same reason I talked about Gak a lot in jr high: it was just so weird you had a hard time believing it was real and you really wanted someone to bring some to school so you could poke it and rip it apart. Yeah, there's a lot of similarities between them and Gak. That's another post])
BUT I just get so tired of the "You can't say you're pro-life and then go and be pro-death penalty" and "If you don't follow all the OT laws you can't say the whole Bible is true" etc.
Why?
Because I AM NOT PERFECT. (can't make that big enough...)
And I never claimed to be. I lie. A lot. And I swear from time to time. I sometimes dress a little whorish (that one's coming up later). I'm a relationship slut and struggle with lust a lot more than I let on. I have huge anger issues and don't even love my neighbor, let alone my enemy. ...let alone the fact that I wear clothes of two different cloths or mix dairy and meat.
Seriously? You want to talk about how imperfect I am because I occassionally eat a shrimp? Do you really think that's the biggest vice you could go after?
And I can be pro-life (though I prefer "anti-abortion") and pro-death penalty and pro-guns.
Yes, I can.
Wanna know how I know?
Because I am. (if it wasn't possible I couldn't be that way, right?)
I'm not saying the Bible is pro-death penalty. That's one I've never figured out. but like I said: anger issues. I have no problem admitting that is the root of my pro-death penalty stance. I've heard great arguments from both sides but I'm too angry to even remember what their points were.
And I can say the whole Bible is true without following the whole thing.
How?
Because I'm a dirty rotten sinner.
I try to follow it, I do. But man oh man is it hard. And sometimes it's too hard. Or I'm too lazy. Or I just don't care enough.
Just because it's true doesn't mean I'm going to follow it. Because I'm not really that smart. Like the people who continue to smoke even after they've been diagnosed with lung cancer. We are just too weak to stop ourselves on our own.
The only laws I'm able to follow are because of God's help. And too often I don't accept His help. Why not?
No, I'm asking, please tell me why I don't.
But you wanna know the great thing? It doesn't matter.
It doesn't. When it comes to salvation, when it comes to going to heaven, all that matters is that you believe you'd never make it to Heaven on your own, that Jesus was God, that His death paid the price for your sins, and He rose from the dead.
That's it.
Now, He has laws that He wants you to follow and He'll poke your brain, tug at your heart, nudge your arm etc. urging you to obey. And the closer your relationship grows the more you'll want to obey.
BUT you technically don't have to in order to get into Heaven because that would be partially earning your way, which doesn't happen. (Thank God! My previous list alone would keep me out and I didn't even confess everything to you!)
I'm actually totally psyched to find out who's in Heaven when we get there. I'll be surprised I'm sure, but not shocked.
I'm positive I'll see murderers and rapists and liars (like me) and gluttons and gays (yes, I said gay people can get into heaven, get over it. Seriously. How can you have an issue with that? That's another post too...) and girls who've had abortions...
I'm curious how many famous "bad guys" will be there. There's so many rumors of people getting saved in their last years/moments...it will be interesting, no doubt.
So yeah. The people who comment in the ReveLife blog are harder to please than God. It's ridiculous.
4. I'm getting sick of hearing everyone talk about how great and wonderful America is because we let people choose (fill in the blank).
There were several articles goes around Lovelyish about wearing Burkas. First a woman said she wouldn't mind it, then another one said she would.
Whatever.
The problem came in people's comments.
People are retarded. It's amazing my blood pressure is a very low 90/50 and not 190/150.
Of course you had people arguing up and down on everything they could think of (passive agressive much? It's clothes for crying out loud. CLOTHES!!!) but the thing that made me hit the roof was repeated over and over and over ad nauseum and it was something along the lines of
"My only issue with this is that women aren't given a choice. They should have a choice. In America, land of chocolate streets and streams of gold, we can choose to wear WHATEVER we want with nooooooooooooooooooo consequences."
Are you a moron? I'm sorry, are you moronS?
By and large, what you wear is dictated by the other people around you (And to a lesser extent: climate. Yes lesser extent, that's why I've seen multiple people wearing flip-flops when it's 40 degrees outside...), not what you actually like.
For example: I looooooooooove Saris. I always have, always will. Would love to own like 500 and wear them all the time. But I would look like a total fruit nut because I look nothing like an Indian girl. (Sad but true.) People would think I was off my rocker if I paraded into class on Friday in a sari. So I don't do it.
I also love those Shalwar Kameez (those pants and long shirts you see Indians and sometimes people from the middle east wearing). They kind of remind me of scrubs, which is why I love being a nurse: the medical profession is the only way I get away with wearing comfortable baggy clothes without getting labeled frumpy.
I wish I didn't care but I do. And so does 99% of the American population.
So yeah, no one's going to physically assault you for wearing something out of the norm (Well....not usually anyway...), but in America (land of chocolate streets and streams of gold, remember) we have our own form of abuses.
So yeah, that's what has been spinning around in my head for the last couple days.
It probably contributed to that pain in my upper back.
Thanks Xanga, you'll be getting the bill for my therapy (physical and psychological)
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