Days 7-8: Last Wednesday

I had to buy gas yesterday and found out my car got 6-8 miles to the gallon less than usual. The only thing different that I can think of is that I've been cranking the heat up every time I get in to go anywhere. It's costing about 5 dollars more every time I fill up the car, or around 7-8 bucks a month. I realized that if I don't use my heat for the rest of the winter I can give around 15 dollars more to my GoTrips. It was kind of interesting because doing the whole "What can I go without in order to give more?" thing was central to Game Change, which is technically over.

And I thought Well who said Game Change had to end?

Then the song "Closer" by Shawn McDonald came on, which is about wanting to be closer to God, but given my newfound realization that I could go without heating my car to help people I really care about, and lyrics which talk about living life out in the weather, I saw how the song could (at least in part) be about identifying with the poor. And I really like that. And it made it easier to make the decision not to turn the heat on because it reminded me that I am not entitled to a warm car, that I am blessed just to have such easy transportation, even just to have a place where the wind can't get to me.
And it reminded me (as soooooooooo many things have and continue to do) "You've been colder than this." Being cold always reminds me of my weekend experiences with Dr. Cook's classes.

I saw someone stop to give money to a homeless person on the way to Last Wednesday tonight. It totally made my day.

Tonight at Last Wednesday I realized that I try to get God's approval from other people. I try to be loving and selfless and serve others, and when someone I'm trying to help lashes out at me I take it personally because I'm seeing it as God telling me I'm failing. Because clearly this person does not feel loved if they are being so awful to me. And I'm supposed to make them feel loved right? So if I'm doing my best and failing anyway, I might as well just be a bitch back, right?

Yeah, right. No. Because the command wasn't "make sure everyone feels loved" it was just "love others." Because we have no control over other people and how they feel or react. I found that so much of what I do is dependent on how the people around me are responding. Which isn't following God at all, it's following my emotions.

So, yet another thing to work on.

But it's something deeper to the core of the issue, something which all my complaining etc. is spinning off of.

God I love Crossroads.

Oh, I also got lightbulbs today.
(No I did not actually put it in there while the light was turned on.)