Something for my shrink. If I had one.

I don't like people. But I like fixing them. I like taking care of them. Why? I could hypothecize a lot of things which are probably very true, but cast me in an exceptionally bad light, so I don't want to think of them.

I like the idea of liking people.
I do.
I like the idea of being this kind, gentle Mother Theresa person.
But then someone says or does something idiotic and I turn into Mussolini.

99% of the people I know in real life would say I'm a nice person.
99% of the people who know me online would say I am not a nice person.

So which is it? Which is the real me and which is the front? Or could it be both?
I don't know.

What I do know is that I can not see the old man struggling to get out of his hospital bed and not rush to make sure he doesn't fall.
I can not see the young woman lashing out at her caretakers because her mother has died and not spend extra time trying to make her as comfortable as possible.
I can not pass an accident or a crying woman in the hallway and not stop.I can not have the preschooler with the most psychological problems in my class and not want to take him home and shower him with love.
I can not see the man making all the wrong decisions while wishing desperately he could be a hero and not root for him (ok, that one is Sylar from Heroes but I wish it was real life)

But I also know that I can't see lies being spread without contradicting them. Forcefully.
I can't watch people cling to double standards without playing devil's advocate in some attempt to make them see their hypocrisy.
I can't watch while people misrepresent Christ and the Church without running them over with a steamroller of scientific facts and Scripture references.
I can't listen to people whining about some piddly rights of their own being violated without screaming about the injustices around the world that we choose to ignore every day.

Or I suppose I could refrain from all of those things.
But I would be dead inside.