I'm baaaaack

Phew!  That took forever!  I literally just spent the last 4 hours working on this blog so you better be appreciative.  *squinty look*

I realized the last few days there were things I wanted blog about (mainly the Oscars) but didn't feel was appropriate on my travel blog.  So I went back through my old scrapped blogs, chose the one with the coolest name, and imported all the old posts.  It wouldn't have taken so long except that I then had to read -- ok, skim -- all the entries to make sure they were still suitable for my audience.  "Audience" meaning, no-longer-just-my-mom-and-Sar........and-people-who-randomly-google-me.  I'll admit I edited out the names of people a couple places and removed one entry entirely, but for the most part everything is intact...despite it's ability to embarrass me.

Why would I leave such blackmail out there for everyone to read?  Because it's me.  It's who I was and how I became who I am.  If you go back far enough you enter the first days of nursing when I loooooooved it and was overjoyed at little things like getting an IV on a six-weeker and terrified at the thought of having to put a line in a six-weeker who was DEHYDRATED!!! (Oh no! Heavens to betsy is that even possible?!?!?!?!  What do you mean you need me to access a kid with no pulse???  How do I know when it's in the right spot with no flash?  AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!)  

Go back a bit farther and you encounter incredibly-and-irrationally-angry me.  I hate everything in the world: churches, politicians, people in my school, people online, people I make up in my head...ok it sounds kind of like me today, but trust me, I have things way more under control now.

Even further and you get the version of me that was always using different size fonts and multiple colors to make my points.  Really bad clipart.  Posts without spell check.  Pictures that bleed over the margins of the post.  Because I figured no one would ever read them (and because I didn't know how to correct the sizing issue, shhh)

Reading most of it gave me a headache and/or embarrassed me.  But then there was this little gem from 2009:

"I will rip out your eyes and feed them to a goose if you accuse me of that"  

Where did I come up with this stuff?  Weirdo.  That's the throughline, though:  I am bat shit crazy most of the time.  And now I can share all of my bat shit craziness with all of you again!

Ashamed

I must admit, I have been sucked into the world of Honey Boo Boo child.
I initially refused to watch even clips of the show because of my horrid distaste for the awful people on Toddlers and Tiaras, so I have no idea how I wound up watching entire episodes of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, but heres the thing: it's not that bad.
Shocking.
Really, they are is not the worst family the network could have picked to give a spin-off...
--Alana encourages and claps for other girls in the pageants, unlike a lot of the brats on Toddlers and Tiaras
--Although the family is grossly overweight, there is a running side story of them trying and failing to lose weight in a way that is far more realistic than the weight-loss shows
--The Go-Go juice thing is disturbing, but so is what the majority of American parents feed their kids on a daily basis
--They don't win the pageants so it's hard to believe that they are exploiting their daughter (except for the tv show of course, but its become more about the mom than the kid)
--As bizarre as the family is, they are actually far from dysfunctional.  Surprisingly.
--The girls have an amazing sense of self-worth, despite being relatively unattractive and significantly overweight.
--I don't know if they get welfare (I assume so...) but at least the dad works and mom clips coupons (and then tries to teach her kids math at the store)


The "facts" they know are really entertaining as well
--If you fart 15 times a day it means you're healthy (mom)
--10-15 farts a day will help you lose weight (teen sister)
--Teacup pigs only get to be 5-6 pounds (mom)
--Vaginas look like biscuits.  If it's cooked right.  Like from Hardees. (mom)
--There's flesh-eating bacteria in the local swimming hole, so it's not safe.  But diving into giant mud puddles is ok. (mom)
--Elvis is Santa's helper.  (Alana)

"I think I'm gonna be an okay mom" -- teen sister
"It won't even weigh you!  You so fat it won't weigh you!" --Alana to mom

3 hours of a conversation to nowhere and two entire Adele albums later... ...who's ready for AUSTRALIA??!?!?!?!?!?

Mememememememememememe!

I'm even looking forward to 20 hours of trying to find a comfortable position on ze plane while watching movies on a 4 inch screen and eating trail mix to stave off hunger between overcooked mystery meat entrees.  No, really, I am.  I'm a freak.  I enjoy everything about international travel.  Except waiting in line to go through customs.  That is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo awful.  Because you are exhausted and just want to collapse onto a bed.  Or the floor.  And you have to stand in line with a bunch of other foreigners from God-knows-where who don't speak your language while you watch all the native people arriving home go through the short line like "see ya beyotches!!" (or at least that's what I'm like when I breeze through US customs on arriving home)

I'm excited about staying a hostel for the first time and exploring a crazy new city just me and bebe seester.  And about all the mad exciting shit I have planned for us.  And all the downtime to visit the beach and go out dancing and listen to hott Aussie boys try to convince me why I should go home with them (try being the operative word).  And enjoy the cooler weather.  And maybe meet up with that PICU nurse I just met who just happens to also be in Brisbane next week. 

Coincidence?
I think NOT!

No, actually, it totally is a coincidence.  But a weird one.

I still have to pack.  I have new luggage on its way.  Very exciting.  It's pink plaid.  I cannot wait.  I spend so much money on adventures, it is unreal.  You'd think by now I'd have everything I needed for these trips.  You'd be wrong!  Every trip I learn something else I need whether it's luggage that doesn't look like everyone else's, an adapter/converter so I don't have to keep all my electronics off to the point I might as well have not brought them, an airplane pillow so I can sleep, Airborne, more local currency (you can literally not bring too much)...

...I just realized that since this is the first international trip not affiliated with a church, I can drink alcohol on the plane!  SCORE!!!  My trip is set.

Libra Zebra

Going through Clarabelle's fashion blog today she had a picture of a giraffe necklace and mentioned it was her spirit animal.  Having an obsession with online quizzes and surveys I have taken ones that were supposed to tell me my "spirit animal" but they were always stupid.  Seeing her necklace I thought of my own zebra necklaces and love for the little black and white striped delightfulness, and googled "zebra spirit animal" on a whim.  When the results page showed "Zebra, Power Animal, Symbol of Individuality, Balance" I thought BAZINGA!  Here's Ina Woolcott's incredibly spot-on description of me:

The zebra’s gifts include seeing in black and white, clarity without filters, balance, agility, uniqueness, power, sureness of path, keeping up individuality within the herd.

The zebra's black and white stripes camouflage it against predators, who often cant identify individuals in the herd. However to the herd members the patterns are unique from zebra to zebra, helping to identify one another - they are as unique as our fingerprints. Blending into a crowd without losing your individuality is one powerful aspect of Zebra. Zebras also help us to be supportive members within our communities. These abilities protect them from danger, as well as their agility and speedy.

I have always said that my ability to adapt and remain unnoticed is one of my greatest assets.  I am small and physically fairly weak so being able to slip past people who would hurt me is an advantage.  Just like the zebra who is easily killed due to their weak spinal column, I have to either hide from or outrun my enemies.

The stripes also represent the blending and balancing of opposites, yin yang, harmony - enabling us to see a deeper truth.

If this is your power animal, study its ability to survive and flourish in a harsh land. Look at your relationship to the various groups in your life. Compromising in personal relationships can be challenging, but Zebras enjoy challenge as they know that all challenges are a chance for growth. Use your mental ability to work around problems and barriers, rather than confronting them - Zebra will show you how.

I don't need zebra to show me how.  I am zebra.  I'd much rather make a situation go away than face it head on, even if facing it would take less time and energy.

Zebras are members of the horse family, living in small family herds made up of a stallion and some mares with their foals. Zebras mix with antelope herds, giving the Antelopes protection from predators because of the zebras alertness. People with this power animal frequently fit the shoes of a kind hearted protector of loved ones, whether family or friends. They make great therapists and are genuinely compassionate towards others.

Hells yes.  Stay away from my antelopes (family, friends, patients), they're MINE.

Questioning reality and illusion is common amongst people with zebra medicine, though an over analytic intellect can be a hindrance for some with this totem. In others the imagination must be awakened.

Anyone who has been around me while I'm unmedicated knows I have trouble telling reality from fiction.  Anyone who has been around me at all, ever, knows I am over-analytical.

The zebras pattern of black on white, or white on black implies that what you see is not always what you get. Occult knowledge seen and unseen, dimensional shifts, new journeys and worldly endeavours are all aspects of this.

I have always been sensitive to spirits.  Evil spirits.  People's spirits.  I can't communicate with them or see them or anything.  I'm not a demon-hunter.  I just sense energies.  Or something. 
This is part of why I am medicated.

Zebras are master magicians, who utilise the energy of light and dark to shift realities and expand our consciousness, helping us see past our preconceived beliefs as they lead us into the mystery and magic of the unseen.

Multiple times I've been told that I changed someone's mind on an issue.
And we all know where I stand on magic.

Zebras seek balance in what they do, and they are sure of themselves, standing confidently in the middle of opposing forces. Those with this power animal are taught similar skills.

BALANCE!!!!!!  It's like my mantra or something.  It pops up in every description of me.  I use it constantly when describing why something is bothering me.  It is so important to me in every aspect of my life.  And I am always in the middle of opposing forces, especially the opposing forces inside of myself.


 

I know its another survey, but its better than nothing right?

1. Are you young at heart, or an old soul?   Definitely young at heart.  I still don't get a lot of innuendos, I'll laugh at nearly anything, I believe in true love and that people can change, forgive way too easily, and play every chance I get.
2. What makes someone a best friend?  Their ability to continue to love you when you disappoint them, make you laugh when you want to cry, keep your secrets and accept you even as you change over the years
3. What Christmas (or Hanukkah) present do you remember the most?  Mostly the ones my dad gives me because they're never anything that I asked for but I still love them, and more so I love that he knows me that well
4. Tell me about a movie/song/tv show/play/book that has changed your life. The Lost Get Found by Britt Nicole played a vital role in getting me in Xroads...and the rest is history
5. Name one physical feature that you like about yourself, and one you dislike. Like: my hair.  Dislike: my thighs
6. Would you like to reconnect with any friends you’ve lost contact with? Not particularly.  If I did, I could.  That's what facebook is for, right?
7. What’s more important in a relationship: physical attraction or emotional connection?  Both are equally important.  A relationship without emotional connection is torture, but one without physical attraction isn't going to go anywhere.
8. Name a movie that you knew would be terrible just from reading the title.  Beowulf
9. What holiday do you most look forward to?  CHRISTMAS!!!!!
10. How is the relationship between you and your parents?  Tis good....now
11. You’ve got the TV on, but you’re not really watching. What channel is the TV on?  Nick at night...it's what I always put the break room TV on, but we're always just chatting anyway
12. Name a song that never fails to make you happy.   Gimmie That Girl
13. You know at least one person named Michael. Tell me about him.  My best guy friend.  He knows 90% of everything.
14. Have you ever read the “missed connections” on Craigslist? Have you ever posted one, or wanted to?  Haha, I used to read those when I got super bored at work in Florida.  No I've never posted one, have you read them?  They're ridiculous!
15. If you could pick anywhere to live the rest of your life, where would it be?  Cincinnati.  Yup.  Sarah, Xroads, a job I enjoy...
16. Can money buy happiness?  No, but it can buy Zoloft.  And cupcakes.  ...zoloft cupcakes...
17. Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugs? Why, or why not?  Occasionally, no, no.  Because drinking is fun and tasty...smoking is gross and makes me lungs go spasm-spasm
18. Is there anyone close to you that you know you can’t trust? You don’t have to give names. Know I can't trust?  No.  Probably can't trust?  *sigh* yes.
19. Where was your favorite place to go when you were a little kid?  My grandparents' houses.
20. Have you ever spent a night in the hospital?  3 times a week.  Oh wait, as a patient.  Yes, only for an emergency that multiple physicians missed and almost killed me. 
21. Do you enjoy being with only one or two friends, or with a large group of people?  I prefer one-on-one usually, but large group are fantastic for dancing and laughing and eating.  Not eating large groups of people.  I don't do bath salts.  See question 17
22. Do you like the type of music your parents listen to? Do your parents like the type of music you listen to?  Sometimes.  We both listen to contemporary Christian music but I also like Gaga and other things they're probably not so fond of.
23. Have you ever been bullied? Have you ever bullied anyone else?  I had a couple weird tics when I was in grade school that got me bullied by one mean kid at church in particular.  I learned to control them for the most part, and have been fine ever since.  And yes, to be honest, I've bullied other people...
24. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? Pasta
25. If your partner wanted to wait until marriage before having sex, would you stay in that relationship? Hell yes.
26. Do you believe in a god? Absolutely
27. Of all the social networks in the world, why use Tumblr? Because it's awesome.
28. What’s your favorite Tumblr tag to track? I don't track tags, just follow my awesome peeps
29. Would you call yourself/your family “middle class?”  I'm paying for my sister and I to go to Australia in a month, just because I can and I want to.  Yes.  I'd say I'm middle class/upper-middle class.
30. Name a TV series you didn’t watch until after it ended.  Firefly.  WWWWWAAAAAAAHHHH!! 
31. Have you ever bought a product from an infomercial?  Ummmm...I don't think so...  I have always wanted a chia pet though...
32. If you could give up your car and never have to drive again, would you? HELLS YES!!  I hate driving and think riding a bike everywhere is just infinitely cooler
33. If you go back to one point in time to give advice to yourself, when would you go and what would you say?  I wouldn't.  That would change everything.
34. What’s your “quirkiest” habit?   Have you met me?
35. What is “normal?” Are you normal?  Normal = boring. I am definitely not normal.
36. Someone close to you is dying. You have the choice to let this person live for 10 more years, but if you do, you cause the death of 10 strangers. You don’t have to see them die. Do you take the offer?  Do I get to pick them?  Can they be rapists/baby murderers?  Probably still no.  Couldn't do it.  It's not right.  Plus, with my luck the person I love would live but be in a coma or MRDD or something ala Drogo from Game Of Thrones when Dany tries to sacrifice for his life and loses everything and he turns out to be basically a retarded zombie, minus the flesh eating
37. What is one thing you could never forgive?  I have forgiven all the things I thought I never could....except murder...so I assume I could probably forgive that too.  God is kind of crazy good when it comes to helping you with stuff like that
38. Would you rather be in a relationship after the honeymoon period ends, or be single?  Oh be in the r/ship for sure
39. Is it possible for guys and girls to be just friends?  Yes, if there is no physical attraction between them
40. Where do you and your friends go to hang out?  Our homes.  We are so boring.  But not normal.
41. Write the first paragraph of your obituary.  No.
42. What is the best TV theme song ever?  Our whole universe was in a hot dense state then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started, wait.  The earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool, neanderthals developed toes, we built the wall, we built the pyramids!  Mad science history unraveling the mystery that all started with the big bang, HEY!
43. When you were young, what would you dream you would be when you grew up?  A paramedic-teacher-mom
44. When you’re alone in your own home, do you walk around naked?  That is one of the very few joys of being home alone!
45. What gets you out of bed in the morning?  My torso, bending and shifting my legs over the edge of the bed, lifting my head and shoulders to an upright position
46. Do you want to have more friends than you have right now?  Not particularly.  I have awesome friends
47. What part of the past year sticks out in your mind?  February-now
48. You win a scratch-off lottery game that gives you $2000 a week (after taxes) for the rest of your life. Do you keep your job?  Part time, sure.
49. Could you be in a long-distance relationship? If you’re in one, what makes yours work?  I could.  I have been.  Lots of texting helped. 
50. What’s the best route to your heart?  Xroads, country music, cuddling, and secrets.
51. Have you ever met someone through the internet, then met them in real life?  No.
52. What is your favorite sport?  To watch?  Gymnastics.  To participate in?  Running, duh
53. What has been troubling you lately?  The boy.
54. Did you enjoy your high school prom? If you haven’t gotten there yet, do you look forward to it? If you didn’t go, why not?  Didn't have one.  I did go to JS though.  And I went to Sarah's schools prom as a chaperone last month.  Fun!
55. What do you use more often: your intuition or logical reasoning?  They war.  All.  The.  Time.  I am so analytical, but I want what I want.
56. Do you know what makes you happy?  Listening to rain on the roof, service projects where I have to work with my hands, traveling, laughing a lot, holding hands...
57. Tell me about the last book you read.  Everybody died.  Or is in the process of dying.  Or will die.  Song of Ice and Fire series.  It's Rowling and Collins combined: everybody gets to die!
58. What is the nicest compliment you’ve ever been given?  That someone adores me
59. Who was your first crush?  This little toddler my mom's friend used to babysit.  I have no idea who he was, but we used to sit under the table in the playroom together and I remember being really excited to sit next to him to eat lunch once.  I think it was soup.  I was 2.
60. Do you believe that there is life on other planets?  I used to think no.  Now I'm not so sure...
61. Predict what your life will look like a year from now.  Probably much the same as it does now.  And that's ok.
62. Often, people will ask how your last relationship ended. I want to know how it began.  The last one began on a camping trip with CUEMS when he fell out of the boat while white water rafting and I pulled him back in.  That one went really well.  Not.
63. Where is your favorite place to go out and eat?  Montgomery Inn.  Yummmmmm
64. What is something you want to change about your current situation?  That I felt more secure
65. Early bird or night owl?  Night owl.  100%
66. Are there any childhood possessions you still hold on to?  My stuffed animals and a few books.
67. Give me an unpopular opinion you have.  Homosexuality is a sin.  But it's no bigger a deal than any other sin.  That's unpopular on both sides of the fence.
68. What was the last song that was stuck in your head?  Don't remember, but Shelley was just singing Home On the Range...
69. Where do you live? Be as general or specific as you want. In a townhouse.
70. Do you believe in giving kids medals and trophies for participation? Psh.  No.  It's a waste of resources (that just get pitched eventually, after cluttering up someones house) and it teaches them that they shouldn't do anything they don't get something out of.  Boo hiss.
71. What was the longest car ride you’ve ever taken?  Ohio to Colorado to New Mexico to Texas then back to Ohio.
72. Have you ever taken part in a protest?  No, but I so would
73. Would you ever use an online dating service?  I used eHarmony.  That was kind of scary and lame at the same time
74. What is your ethnic heritage?  German-Irish-British-Welsh-French-Native American
75. Describe a person that inspires you.  Dr. Brown was always so inspriring becuase he was so strong in his beliefs and still sooooooooooo loving toward everyone
76. If you earn minimum wage doing what you love, would you?  I've done this for free, so, yeah
77. Do you believe in luck?  I believe in God's grace.  That means sometimes we get way more than we could ever deserve
78. Describe the last time you were very angry at someone.  The last time I had an ass for a patient's family
79. Do you want to live until you’re 100?  No.  Not at all
80. Do people change? If so, how do you keep a relationship together when both of you start to change?  Of course they do.  You love each other and you allow each other to do things without you if you don't both enjoy them.  Compromise and love.
81. Have you ever risked a friendship by telling someone you liked them?  Once.  It wasn't much of a risk though, since I was pretty sure he liked me too
82. Would you rather be alone doing something you enjoy, or doing something you don’t like with your best friends?  Depends on how long I'll be doing it.  I don't want to be alone for too long
83. Do you practice what you preach?  I try to.  It is pretty hard to love people who hurt you though
84. If you take precautions to stay safe, do you ultimately act more recklessly?  Huh?
85. What do you value more in a significant other: Attractiveness or intelligence?  Attractiveness.  I'm smart enough for both of us.  Is that a bad thing to say?
86. Are you hard-headed?  People would probably say so
87. Have you ever laughed uncontrollably when it was socially inappropriate?  Oh, all the time
88. When have you felt most alive?  Outside, with the wind in my hair
89. Would you prefer to live? A city? The suburbs? The countryside? The mountains?  City or mountains.
90. Do you often skip breakfast?  NEVER!!! Breakfast is love
91. How do you know what true love is?  You can see their faults but you want them in your life anyway, and vice versa
92. Would you want to know the exact date and time you were going to die?  Psh, no
93. Where is “home” for you?  Cincinnati
94. What song best describes your life right now?    Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift and Strong Enough to Save by Tenth Avenue North
95. Do you want to be perfect?  Why would I?  I'm pretty awesome already!
96. What have you never tried, but would really like to someday? What’s holding you back?  Skydiving.  Gotta find someone to do it with me.
97. How do you express your creativity?  Sketching, mostly.  Collaging pinterest and tumblr pictures.  Journaling
98. Describe your neighborhood.  Apartment complex, lots of kids playing.  Blah
99. Name something you only liked because it was popular.  Sillybandz, lol
100. Give me the story of your life in six words.  Is "I was lost, now I'm found" too cheesey?  Yes.  But I'm tired.  Gimme a break