Sarahless part 1

In the interest of full disclosure the following is partly cut and paste from an email sent to my BFF today.

My day today consisted of dropping off said BFF at the airport for her jaunt around Europe. And by that I mean her month of traipsing through poo filled villages, wearing crusty clothes she hand washed in a sink, and loving on kids in Romania. I so want to go next year. I could totally rock crusty clothes.

Then I slept.

Then I got up and started painting the bathroom. Two walls and the ceiling are done. Next comes COLOR!!! But that will have to wait until next week when I have more time off.

Then while the paint was drying I settled in and watched 2 incredibly retarded movies. One where Mack...I mean Gary Sinese...plays a guy who the government is tracking down bc they think an alien has killed him and replaced him with a replicate that looks just like him only is carrying a bomb in his heart. (The bomb is a nano bomb and "the components only come together at the time of explosion" so they can't xray it. Convenient.) From ze vewy vewy beginning I knew his wife was replaced. Turns out he was too. Could they have picked two actors who look more like aliens? No. No they could not. *sigh* The second was one where Hillary Duff pretends to be a business woman to gain access to hot guys who wear suits (yes, exactly that description) and then, oh no, her big crisis is that THERE ARE TOO MANY HOT GUYS INTERESTED IN HER!!! WHATEVER WILL SHE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!?! The end. Oh wait, she snags one of them.
And it turns out he was replaced by an alien with a bomb.

Who I am

The other day at work one of the girls was shopping for a new car online.
Me: I have a Yaris and I love it.
Jessica: Oh Elle, you would.
Me: What's that supposed to mean?
Jessica: Just that I can totally see you in a Yaris.
Me: I wanted the bright blue hatchback...
Jessica: You would, don't you think so?
Cindy: Yeah, you're so cute Elle.

Now, had Jessica not been a nurse that -- how to put this gently -- I am not particularly close to, I might not have even noticed. But it dawned on me that I get this response a lot at work.

Dave: Wanna trade? What did you bring for lunch?
Me: Uhhh, I have yogurt, hummus, carrots, an apple and string cheese.
Marsha: Of course you do.

*insert story detailing someone's most recent escapades ending in a joke of some kind*
Coworker: Come on, Elle, it's funny!
Me: I'm sure it is.
DP: She doesn't get it, Elle doesn't do things like that, she's a good girl.
(sidenote: DP is often wrong about the things he thinks I don't do or don't understand)

Apparently my stereotype at work is "perfect little girl." I drive a cute tiny car, I eat healthy food, rarely ever drink, don't understand raunchy jokes, and I think Joe, DP and Duffy sometimes compete for who can make me blush first. Not that I really mind this stereotype. I spent all my school years being the youngest person in class and have thus always felt more comfortable in the "little sister" role at work.

But that conversation plus another blog post mentioning bobos again got me to thinking: what kind of person am I and what kind of person do I want to be? This is always tough because I don't really fit into categories. There is just always something missing.

For instance, people always ask if I'm a vegetarian. It would be so much easier if I were. So much harder to explain "No, I just don't eat a lot of meat. Usually. I mean, I like chicken and fish like salmon or tuna. And sometimes a hamburger or sausage depending on how it's made. I eat turkey at thanksgiving and hot dogs maybe twice a year. But usually I just don't eat meat."

People like categories because it saves them the time of having to talk to you and get to know you. Like the guy at Lowes last month. I'm picking out paint and talking about how I have been trying to kill the English Ivy in my little garden and how I'm hoping the Roundup in my cart will help and the paint guy suddenly launches into how much greener it is to just throw a tarp over it until it dies.
My surprise at his attempting to talk me out of buying something from the store must have shown on my face because he nods at my cart and says "You know, it's organic."
Sitting in the bottom of my cart are two bags of organic topsoil.

Yes I love being green. I buy organic produce, visit the farmer's market whenever feasible, choose biking or walking over driving as long as the roads are safe. But it does not rule every aspect of my life. My computer is turned on at least 10-12 hours a day, our AC is set at like 79, I shop at places like Target and Lowes, and half my soaps have sulfates and/or phosphates in them.
It is something I want to become more strict about, but I've come a long way from not even owning a bike or knowing what sulfates were.

Categorizing people also helps you define your enemies. Life is hard enough without becoming friends with someone and then finding out that *GASP* they are for gun control! Oh the horrors.
If you work in our ED, or really if you live out city at all, people assume you are a Republican and therefore agree with them on everything. Recently we've had a couple new people come in who turned out to be democrats and people were shocked as if they had forgotten such people existed. I'm 100% sure that everyone at work thinks I am pro-war, anti-immigration, and anti-gay rights (well, Tonya knows that isn't true since she witnessed my mini-rant when I watched her try to navigate how to buy health insurance for her kids...must stop myself before I resume the rant...but really!!!!...ok, stopping...).
If I have learned anything outside of the Cedarville bubble it is that there are really nice Republicans and really nice Democrats who both have really good intentions. I mean, I'm sure there are people out there who are tapping their fingertips together gleefully while they plot the downfall of the human race, but really, have you ever met one?? There are also, of course, a large number of people who are just stupid and have picked their side on an issue with absolutely no forethought and they should not be allowed to vote. But just because someone doesn't agree with you doesn't make them wrong. It doesn't make you wrong. Sometimes there isn't a good solution available.
Sometimes the only perfect solution is a time machine and dammit if those aren't around yet. (Of all the hey-I-thought-of-that-first inventions out there, why has no one invented the one thing we have ALL thought of already!?!??!)

I think I have a pretty good handle on who I am, even if I send out signals that confuse other people sometimes, and I know where I want to end up.

iphone Iphone IPHONE!!!

I gots it! Finally :) And with it comes to overwhelming need to download more and more apps (especially the abundant free ones!). And with that comes the need to gush about which apps you've found that are just amazeballs. Forgetting the standards (facebook, angry birds [DIE PIGS DIE!!!!!], weather channel etc.) these are my new apps
:-D

Mixology: Never again will I stand at a bar and say "Give me something with tequila in it!" With Mixology I can search for drinks with tequila as an ingredient. Or browse by type of drink. Or find a local bar. Or get new drink recipes. Or get random facts about different alcohols. Perfect for a girl who loves to use her liver.

Talking Baby Hippo (0.99): Say anything or play any song into the mic and the baby hippo repeats it back in its baby hippo voice (dance included). 20 minutes ago I was rolling on the floor after we made Sarah's hippo sing Born This Way.

RMaker: Making your own ringtones for iphone is RIDICULOUSLY complicated!!! Fortunately, this was easy to use...once I broke down and read the tutorial (included in the app)

Flashlight: Not only does it have the ever-so-lame-but-ever-so-popular white screen flashlight, but it turns on the iphone 4's crazy bright LED flash (which really is like an actual flashlight. It will also flash emergency colors and it has an S.O.S. program that will message for help in morse code. Nifty.

Translator: With Sarah and mine's limited knowledge of French and Spanish (respectively) we tried this out and IT WORKS!!! Not only does it seem to translate (at least basic phrases) fairly accurately, but it also will speak them for you! No more butchering pronunciation!! Plus it has a bunch of languages I have never spoken or probably even heard spoken around me like Estonian, Swahili, Hatian Creole, Catalan, etc.

Coin Flip: After watching last weeks the Bachelorette Sarah and I decided coin flips make life way more exciting, but who carries change anymore? Now you don't have to. Ridiculously simple app, but that just means it's easy to use.

The Moron Test: So much entertainment. There's also a version you pay for but I'm cheap.

Quotes: Probably my favorite useless app. It's thousands of iphone wallpapers with pictures and quotes to either use or just browse through (or email to friends nonstop)

iBooks: Granted, you have to buy most of the books if you want to read them, but some (Paradise Lost, Winnie The Pooh, Secret Garden, Peter Pan etc.) are free by public domain. Good way to pass the time in a waiting room. Less likely to make people stare than playing Angry Birds and yelling "GRAVITY!!!!!"

IMDB: For those times when you just can't wait to know where you know what's-his-name from, and don't want to use your data plan to access the internet (I have mine turned off and almost only use wireless)

I have others too, but none I've been able to use yet.

In other exciting news: Running/Biking is going very well! I love living green. I wish I never had to drive anywhere! Like these people.
I am convinced that there is something that happens in your brain when you exercise that makes you happpier when you look in the mirror....even though you know logically that nothing has actually changed yet.

Strikethrough Everything You've Done

(Stolen from The Bebe Seester)
Unfortunately Blogger doesn't allow Strikethroughs so I'm just going to make them a larger size font if I've done them.

1.Had a beer.
2.Been drunk.
3.Touched a real gun.
4.Done drugs.
5.Write on a bathrom wall.
6.Read a George Orwell book.
7.Had sex.
8.Got into a fist fight.
9.Used Twitter.
10.Listened to Lady Gaga.
11.Been in a car accident.
12.Gotten suspended.
13.Gotten expelled.
14.Got a computer virus.
15.Had a hand written diary.
16.Been allergic to something.
17.Had a dog.
18.Had a cat.
19.Been pregnant.
20.Camped out.
21.Swam in the ocean.
22.Wore a bikini.
23.Meet someone online in person.
24.Made a survey.
25.Used ICQ.
26.Failed a class for the year.
27.Repeated a grade.
28.Went to summer school.
29.Got the high honor roll.
30.Got the regular honor roll (A’s and B’s.)
31.Learned to speak another language fluently.
32.Read an entire book.
33.Recorded my own music.
34.Had a xBox.
35.Listened to Rammstein.
36.Wore fishnets.
37.Bought skinny jeans.
38.Been in love.
39.Hated someone.
40.Been cheated on.
41.Cheated on someone.
42.Did something sexual with someone of the same sex.
43.Practiced Christianity.
44.Worn makeup.
45.Had a cavity.
46.Had surgery.
47.Had my license.
48.Been to college.
49.Graduated high school.
50.Attempted suicide.
51.Worn coloured contacts.
52.Painted my nails black.
53.Broken someone’s heart.
54.Had my heart broken.
55.Cried for an hour straight.
56.Lost something very valuable.
57.Got seperated from my parents as a kid.
58.Broken a bone.
59.Gotten stung by a bee.
60.Eaten something bad/expired.
61.Threw up from being so drunk.
62.Had to put a pet to sleep.
63.Participated in a swinger’s party.
64.Owned an ipod.
65.Owned an iphone. (getting one soon)
66.Fell for a best friend.
67.Stole a friend’s significant other.
68.Went far away from home for more than a week.
69.Moved out.
70.Ran away.
71.Teased my brother/sister.
72.Been to hospital.
73.Had food poisoning.
74.Had a job.
75.Been fired.
76.Lied to a friend.
77.Lied to a family member.
78.Lied to a significant other.
79.Posted a video on Youtube.
80.Started a rumor about someone.
81.Delibrately failed a test.
82.Dropped out of school.
83.Fallen down the stairs.
84.Been skinny dipping.
85.Counted to a million.
86.Counted to a thousand.
87.Ate deer meat.
88.Ate duck meat.
89.Had fast food.
90.Been to Church.
91.Been to synagogue.
92.Been married.
93.Had a divorce.
94.Broken a window.
95.Kissed someone.
96.Hugged someone.
97.Moan loudly on bed.
98.Texted someone today.
99.Received calls from your significant other today.
100.Threw something out of the window.