Libra Zebra

Going through Clarabelle's fashion blog today she had a picture of a giraffe necklace and mentioned it was her spirit animal.  Having an obsession with online quizzes and surveys I have taken ones that were supposed to tell me my "spirit animal" but they were always stupid.  Seeing her necklace I thought of my own zebra necklaces and love for the little black and white striped delightfulness, and googled "zebra spirit animal" on a whim.  When the results page showed "Zebra, Power Animal, Symbol of Individuality, Balance" I thought BAZINGA!  Here's Ina Woolcott's incredibly spot-on description of me:

The zebra’s gifts include seeing in black and white, clarity without filters, balance, agility, uniqueness, power, sureness of path, keeping up individuality within the herd.

The zebra's black and white stripes camouflage it against predators, who often cant identify individuals in the herd. However to the herd members the patterns are unique from zebra to zebra, helping to identify one another - they are as unique as our fingerprints. Blending into a crowd without losing your individuality is one powerful aspect of Zebra. Zebras also help us to be supportive members within our communities. These abilities protect them from danger, as well as their agility and speedy.

I have always said that my ability to adapt and remain unnoticed is one of my greatest assets.  I am small and physically fairly weak so being able to slip past people who would hurt me is an advantage.  Just like the zebra who is easily killed due to their weak spinal column, I have to either hide from or outrun my enemies.

The stripes also represent the blending and balancing of opposites, yin yang, harmony - enabling us to see a deeper truth.

If this is your power animal, study its ability to survive and flourish in a harsh land. Look at your relationship to the various groups in your life. Compromising in personal relationships can be challenging, but Zebras enjoy challenge as they know that all challenges are a chance for growth. Use your mental ability to work around problems and barriers, rather than confronting them - Zebra will show you how.

I don't need zebra to show me how.  I am zebra.  I'd much rather make a situation go away than face it head on, even if facing it would take less time and energy.

Zebras are members of the horse family, living in small family herds made up of a stallion and some mares with their foals. Zebras mix with antelope herds, giving the Antelopes protection from predators because of the zebras alertness. People with this power animal frequently fit the shoes of a kind hearted protector of loved ones, whether family or friends. They make great therapists and are genuinely compassionate towards others.

Hells yes.  Stay away from my antelopes (family, friends, patients), they're MINE.

Questioning reality and illusion is common amongst people with zebra medicine, though an over analytic intellect can be a hindrance for some with this totem. In others the imagination must be awakened.

Anyone who has been around me while I'm unmedicated knows I have trouble telling reality from fiction.  Anyone who has been around me at all, ever, knows I am over-analytical.

The zebras pattern of black on white, or white on black implies that what you see is not always what you get. Occult knowledge seen and unseen, dimensional shifts, new journeys and worldly endeavours are all aspects of this.

I have always been sensitive to spirits.  Evil spirits.  People's spirits.  I can't communicate with them or see them or anything.  I'm not a demon-hunter.  I just sense energies.  Or something. 
This is part of why I am medicated.

Zebras are master magicians, who utilise the energy of light and dark to shift realities and expand our consciousness, helping us see past our preconceived beliefs as they lead us into the mystery and magic of the unseen.

Multiple times I've been told that I changed someone's mind on an issue.
And we all know where I stand on magic.

Zebras seek balance in what they do, and they are sure of themselves, standing confidently in the middle of opposing forces. Those with this power animal are taught similar skills.

BALANCE!!!!!!  It's like my mantra or something.  It pops up in every description of me.  I use it constantly when describing why something is bothering me.  It is so important to me in every aspect of my life.  And I am always in the middle of opposing forces, especially the opposing forces inside of myself.


 

I know its another survey, but its better than nothing right?

1. Are you young at heart, or an old soul?   Definitely young at heart.  I still don't get a lot of innuendos, I'll laugh at nearly anything, I believe in true love and that people can change, forgive way too easily, and play every chance I get.
2. What makes someone a best friend?  Their ability to continue to love you when you disappoint them, make you laugh when you want to cry, keep your secrets and accept you even as you change over the years
3. What Christmas (or Hanukkah) present do you remember the most?  Mostly the ones my dad gives me because they're never anything that I asked for but I still love them, and more so I love that he knows me that well
4. Tell me about a movie/song/tv show/play/book that has changed your life. The Lost Get Found by Britt Nicole played a vital role in getting me in Xroads...and the rest is history
5. Name one physical feature that you like about yourself, and one you dislike. Like: my hair.  Dislike: my thighs
6. Would you like to reconnect with any friends you’ve lost contact with? Not particularly.  If I did, I could.  That's what facebook is for, right?
7. What’s more important in a relationship: physical attraction or emotional connection?  Both are equally important.  A relationship without emotional connection is torture, but one without physical attraction isn't going to go anywhere.
8. Name a movie that you knew would be terrible just from reading the title.  Beowulf
9. What holiday do you most look forward to?  CHRISTMAS!!!!!
10. How is the relationship between you and your parents?  Tis good....now
11. You’ve got the TV on, but you’re not really watching. What channel is the TV on?  Nick at night...it's what I always put the break room TV on, but we're always just chatting anyway
12. Name a song that never fails to make you happy.   Gimmie That Girl
13. You know at least one person named Michael. Tell me about him.  My best guy friend.  He knows 90% of everything.
14. Have you ever read the “missed connections” on Craigslist? Have you ever posted one, or wanted to?  Haha, I used to read those when I got super bored at work in Florida.  No I've never posted one, have you read them?  They're ridiculous!
15. If you could pick anywhere to live the rest of your life, where would it be?  Cincinnati.  Yup.  Sarah, Xroads, a job I enjoy...
16. Can money buy happiness?  No, but it can buy Zoloft.  And cupcakes.  ...zoloft cupcakes...
17. Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugs? Why, or why not?  Occasionally, no, no.  Because drinking is fun and tasty...smoking is gross and makes me lungs go spasm-spasm
18. Is there anyone close to you that you know you can’t trust? You don’t have to give names. Know I can't trust?  No.  Probably can't trust?  *sigh* yes.
19. Where was your favorite place to go when you were a little kid?  My grandparents' houses.
20. Have you ever spent a night in the hospital?  3 times a week.  Oh wait, as a patient.  Yes, only for an emergency that multiple physicians missed and almost killed me. 
21. Do you enjoy being with only one or two friends, or with a large group of people?  I prefer one-on-one usually, but large group are fantastic for dancing and laughing and eating.  Not eating large groups of people.  I don't do bath salts.  See question 17
22. Do you like the type of music your parents listen to? Do your parents like the type of music you listen to?  Sometimes.  We both listen to contemporary Christian music but I also like Gaga and other things they're probably not so fond of.
23. Have you ever been bullied? Have you ever bullied anyone else?  I had a couple weird tics when I was in grade school that got me bullied by one mean kid at church in particular.  I learned to control them for the most part, and have been fine ever since.  And yes, to be honest, I've bullied other people...
24. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? Pasta
25. If your partner wanted to wait until marriage before having sex, would you stay in that relationship? Hell yes.
26. Do you believe in a god? Absolutely
27. Of all the social networks in the world, why use Tumblr? Because it's awesome.
28. What’s your favorite Tumblr tag to track? I don't track tags, just follow my awesome peeps
29. Would you call yourself/your family “middle class?”  I'm paying for my sister and I to go to Australia in a month, just because I can and I want to.  Yes.  I'd say I'm middle class/upper-middle class.
30. Name a TV series you didn’t watch until after it ended.  Firefly.  WWWWWAAAAAAAHHHH!! 
31. Have you ever bought a product from an infomercial?  Ummmm...I don't think so...  I have always wanted a chia pet though...
32. If you could give up your car and never have to drive again, would you? HELLS YES!!  I hate driving and think riding a bike everywhere is just infinitely cooler
33. If you go back to one point in time to give advice to yourself, when would you go and what would you say?  I wouldn't.  That would change everything.
34. What’s your “quirkiest” habit?   Have you met me?
35. What is “normal?” Are you normal?  Normal = boring. I am definitely not normal.
36. Someone close to you is dying. You have the choice to let this person live for 10 more years, but if you do, you cause the death of 10 strangers. You don’t have to see them die. Do you take the offer?  Do I get to pick them?  Can they be rapists/baby murderers?  Probably still no.  Couldn't do it.  It's not right.  Plus, with my luck the person I love would live but be in a coma or MRDD or something ala Drogo from Game Of Thrones when Dany tries to sacrifice for his life and loses everything and he turns out to be basically a retarded zombie, minus the flesh eating
37. What is one thing you could never forgive?  I have forgiven all the things I thought I never could....except murder...so I assume I could probably forgive that too.  God is kind of crazy good when it comes to helping you with stuff like that
38. Would you rather be in a relationship after the honeymoon period ends, or be single?  Oh be in the r/ship for sure
39. Is it possible for guys and girls to be just friends?  Yes, if there is no physical attraction between them
40. Where do you and your friends go to hang out?  Our homes.  We are so boring.  But not normal.
41. Write the first paragraph of your obituary.  No.
42. What is the best TV theme song ever?  Our whole universe was in a hot dense state then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started, wait.  The earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool, neanderthals developed toes, we built the wall, we built the pyramids!  Mad science history unraveling the mystery that all started with the big bang, HEY!
43. When you were young, what would you dream you would be when you grew up?  A paramedic-teacher-mom
44. When you’re alone in your own home, do you walk around naked?  That is one of the very few joys of being home alone!
45. What gets you out of bed in the morning?  My torso, bending and shifting my legs over the edge of the bed, lifting my head and shoulders to an upright position
46. Do you want to have more friends than you have right now?  Not particularly.  I have awesome friends
47. What part of the past year sticks out in your mind?  February-now
48. You win a scratch-off lottery game that gives you $2000 a week (after taxes) for the rest of your life. Do you keep your job?  Part time, sure.
49. Could you be in a long-distance relationship? If you’re in one, what makes yours work?  I could.  I have been.  Lots of texting helped. 
50. What’s the best route to your heart?  Xroads, country music, cuddling, and secrets.
51. Have you ever met someone through the internet, then met them in real life?  No.
52. What is your favorite sport?  To watch?  Gymnastics.  To participate in?  Running, duh
53. What has been troubling you lately?  The boy.
54. Did you enjoy your high school prom? If you haven’t gotten there yet, do you look forward to it? If you didn’t go, why not?  Didn't have one.  I did go to JS though.  And I went to Sarah's schools prom as a chaperone last month.  Fun!
55. What do you use more often: your intuition or logical reasoning?  They war.  All.  The.  Time.  I am so analytical, but I want what I want.
56. Do you know what makes you happy?  Listening to rain on the roof, service projects where I have to work with my hands, traveling, laughing a lot, holding hands...
57. Tell me about the last book you read.  Everybody died.  Or is in the process of dying.  Or will die.  Song of Ice and Fire series.  It's Rowling and Collins combined: everybody gets to die!
58. What is the nicest compliment you’ve ever been given?  That someone adores me
59. Who was your first crush?  This little toddler my mom's friend used to babysit.  I have no idea who he was, but we used to sit under the table in the playroom together and I remember being really excited to sit next to him to eat lunch once.  I think it was soup.  I was 2.
60. Do you believe that there is life on other planets?  I used to think no.  Now I'm not so sure...
61. Predict what your life will look like a year from now.  Probably much the same as it does now.  And that's ok.
62. Often, people will ask how your last relationship ended. I want to know how it began.  The last one began on a camping trip with CUEMS when he fell out of the boat while white water rafting and I pulled him back in.  That one went really well.  Not.
63. Where is your favorite place to go out and eat?  Montgomery Inn.  Yummmmmm
64. What is something you want to change about your current situation?  That I felt more secure
65. Early bird or night owl?  Night owl.  100%
66. Are there any childhood possessions you still hold on to?  My stuffed animals and a few books.
67. Give me an unpopular opinion you have.  Homosexuality is a sin.  But it's no bigger a deal than any other sin.  That's unpopular on both sides of the fence.
68. What was the last song that was stuck in your head?  Don't remember, but Shelley was just singing Home On the Range...
69. Where do you live? Be as general or specific as you want. In a townhouse.
70. Do you believe in giving kids medals and trophies for participation? Psh.  No.  It's a waste of resources (that just get pitched eventually, after cluttering up someones house) and it teaches them that they shouldn't do anything they don't get something out of.  Boo hiss.
71. What was the longest car ride you’ve ever taken?  Ohio to Colorado to New Mexico to Texas then back to Ohio.
72. Have you ever taken part in a protest?  No, but I so would
73. Would you ever use an online dating service?  I used eHarmony.  That was kind of scary and lame at the same time
74. What is your ethnic heritage?  German-Irish-British-Welsh-French-Native American
75. Describe a person that inspires you.  Dr. Brown was always so inspriring becuase he was so strong in his beliefs and still sooooooooooo loving toward everyone
76. If you earn minimum wage doing what you love, would you?  I've done this for free, so, yeah
77. Do you believe in luck?  I believe in God's grace.  That means sometimes we get way more than we could ever deserve
78. Describe the last time you were very angry at someone.  The last time I had an ass for a patient's family
79. Do you want to live until you’re 100?  No.  Not at all
80. Do people change? If so, how do you keep a relationship together when both of you start to change?  Of course they do.  You love each other and you allow each other to do things without you if you don't both enjoy them.  Compromise and love.
81. Have you ever risked a friendship by telling someone you liked them?  Once.  It wasn't much of a risk though, since I was pretty sure he liked me too
82. Would you rather be alone doing something you enjoy, or doing something you don’t like with your best friends?  Depends on how long I'll be doing it.  I don't want to be alone for too long
83. Do you practice what you preach?  I try to.  It is pretty hard to love people who hurt you though
84. If you take precautions to stay safe, do you ultimately act more recklessly?  Huh?
85. What do you value more in a significant other: Attractiveness or intelligence?  Attractiveness.  I'm smart enough for both of us.  Is that a bad thing to say?
86. Are you hard-headed?  People would probably say so
87. Have you ever laughed uncontrollably when it was socially inappropriate?  Oh, all the time
88. When have you felt most alive?  Outside, with the wind in my hair
89. Would you prefer to live? A city? The suburbs? The countryside? The mountains?  City or mountains.
90. Do you often skip breakfast?  NEVER!!! Breakfast is love
91. How do you know what true love is?  You can see their faults but you want them in your life anyway, and vice versa
92. Would you want to know the exact date and time you were going to die?  Psh, no
93. Where is “home” for you?  Cincinnati
94. What song best describes your life right now?    Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift and Strong Enough to Save by Tenth Avenue North
95. Do you want to be perfect?  Why would I?  I'm pretty awesome already!
96. What have you never tried, but would really like to someday? What’s holding you back?  Skydiving.  Gotta find someone to do it with me.
97. How do you express your creativity?  Sketching, mostly.  Collaging pinterest and tumblr pictures.  Journaling
98. Describe your neighborhood.  Apartment complex, lots of kids playing.  Blah
99. Name something you only liked because it was popular.  Sillybandz, lol
100. Give me the story of your life in six words.  Is "I was lost, now I'm found" too cheesey?  Yes.  But I'm tired.  Gimme a break

Because I've done nothing all day...

1. Name something you love.

The internet: HP, Dr. Who, tumblr, digital photos, vacation planning, etc etc etc.  The internet is mad awesome.
2. Assume you have all the money and all the time in the world. What kind of pet do you want
One that doesn't shed, slobber or poop.  K9!!!!
3. What should you be doing right now?
Running.  Cooking.  Cleaning.  Anything but sitting here on the internet.
4. What is your favourite ice cream flavour? 
Coconut Chip from Graeters or basically anything from Young's Dairy
5. What is your favourite quote this very minute?
I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye
6. Who was the last person you spoke to in person?
Sar-noodle
7. What has been the best gift you have ever received?
I always love gifts from my dad bc I am always surprised that he knows me well enough to get something I like even though it's hardly ever anything I asked for.
8. Proper grammar on the internet: discuss.
Unnecessary when talking shit with your friends.  Imperitive when debating something intelligent.  Common courtesy when it's going to be seen by people you've never met.
9. If you have a favourite meme, what is it?
LIKE ALL THE MEMES!!!!
10. How did you get into tumblr?
The bebe seester had one
11. What is your favourite beverage?
My secret recipe hot chocolate.
1. How tall are you?64in
2. From your favorite game/story/movie/etc., What is your OTP?
Snape and Lily.  FOREVER.  Or the doctor and Rose, bc they actually both loved each other instead of it being a one sided thing...
3. What is your opinion on LGBT related things?
That I have much bigger fish to fry.  While children starve to death and people die from diseases that can be prevented and/or treated with pennies worth of antibiotics and women and girls are raped for fun and/or profit I cannot be too upset about the LGBT things.  Bigger fish to fry.
4. Favorite Animal. Go.
Bats.  Love their portable blankets.  *sigh*
5. what is your favorite video game? Any console. No, not video game series, video game. So, dont say “Legend of Zelda”, or “Kingdom Hearts”. Say “Skyward Sword”, or “358/2 Days”.
uhhhhh...yeah.......about that...does The SIMS count?
6. Best vacation ever?
Probably NOLA 2011
7. If you could go anywhere in world, where would you go, and why?
So. Many. Places.  Can't. Think.  AAHHH!!!!!
8. Favorite piece of technology?
My iPhone.  Life in my pocket.
9. On a scale from We’re all going to die to Fuck yeah bring it on, how prepared are you for the zombie apocalypse?
Depends on the type of zombie and how soon I find out about it.  I can outrun/outsmart the original types of zombies.  And if I have enough warning I can get to the bebe seester and she will protect me with her zombie-pocalypse plans.  Otherwise I will definitely definitely die.  But by my own hand.  Bc I will NOT come back as a gooey flesh eater.
10. Second favorite animal?
Turtles.  So cute.
11. Last thing you read? I mean, before reading my questions and answers.
Some random's tumblr.  Information on traveling to Australia.  David Tennant's IMDB page. Text's from a girl at work trying to trade shifts with me.  This month's Redbook.

Plans for this weekend

Go back to sleep
Wake up
Flying Pig expo: pick up packet.  Do not spend half a paycheck on running stuff.
Car wash (my reward for FINALLY cleaning out my car after my camping trip at the beginning of NOVEMBER)
Xroads
Clean the apartment
Roll out my muscles and stre-e-e-e-e-e-etch
Eat lots of carbs
Go to bed early.  Sleep a lot.
Get up.
Run 13.1 miles in a piggie hat.  Try not to die.  Curse not having trained nearly as much as I should have.  Vow to do better.
Limp home.
Collapse.
Ice bath.
Sleep.
Whine about how sore I am.
Sleep.
Wear my finishers medal like a badass.
Sleep.
Eat everything in the apartment.
Sleep.

Today's realization: I am April Kepner

Sar and I watched last week's Grey's episode tonight and I came to the final conclusion that, while I looooooooooove Christina and Arizona, the character I am most like is actually April Kepner.  Case:

You either love her or hate her.  Her personality either grates on you like you're swallowing broken glass, or you find her cheerful peppiness adorable.  No one feels neutral about April.  Either you want her to STFU or be your best friend.  (Personally I usually want her to STFU)

She is the most insecure.  She's smart, organized, her patients love her, she can get impossible jobs done.  She is one of the best doctors but she is obsessed with failure.  Constantly fussing over schedules and lists and tests, worrying about getting people to like her, convinced she is going to bomb whatever task is ahead of her.

She makes mistakes.  Remember when she actually got kicked out of the program because she let that burn victim die a couple years ago?  (That was infuriating, a nurse would've caught that.  Ugh!)  Everyone else makes horrible decisions all the time, but she's the only one whose decision really came back to bite her in the ass.

She falls for inappropriate people.  Remember when she fell in love with Derek??  That was creepy.  And then the new Peds attending who was like 50-something?  And who can forget Alex in the on-call room.  Jeese, girl, get it together!  Now of course there's her best friend, Avery, which is heading for disasterville...unfortunately, since I've been shipping them since season 6.

She's the girl next door.  When held at gunpoint she spills her guts to the shooter, revealing she's from Ohio and stating "I haven’t done anything yet. I haven’t. I’ve barely lived. All I’ve done is win science fairs and go to medical school. I’m not finished yet. I’m not finished yet. No one’s loved me and, please. Please. I’m someone’s child! I’m someone’s sister. I’m a person. I’m a person."

Superfreak.  This is the title of the episode where April not only reveals she's pretty much the only virgin in the entire freaking hospital, but also that she is the most hardcore of all the doctors: the only one able to pass the Trauma Simulation, securing her identity at the trauma junkie, the soldier, Hunt's little protege.