Adventures with the Bebe Seester

The bebe seester came to visit for a few days and I think we had a really good time. Mostly we sat around and watched movies and 24 but I had fun. In the process we began what has turned into "The 24 Rules about 24" or "How to survive 24 hours of terrorism." Here are the ones we have so far.

1. If you know something that no one else does, don't tell anyone except Jack or the president (in the case that the president is actually a good guy). Exception: the bad guys also know, in which case tell absolutely everyone.
2. Do not underestimate Jack. Not only is he death proof, but also a master hair stylist (see season 6).
3. Women are evil/stupid. Do not trust them. Exception: Chloe O'Bryon who has made it through more seasons of 24 than anyone other than Jack and Wayne Palmer.
4. Never ever ever do what a terrorist wants you to do, especially if you don't understand it. Exception: You are Jack Bauer. Exception to the exception: They are using Audrey as leverage.
5. Don't date anyone. Otherwise one of you will wind up being a terrorist or unwillingly/unwittingly helping the terrorist.
6. If you must break rule 5, do not under any circumstances have children who will invariably be used as hostages to manipulate you into helping the terrorists, thereby fulfilling number 5.
7. Any tack team without Jack will fail. If you think you have succeeded, run, as there is a 100% chance that there is a bomb about to explode nearby.
8. CTU is not safe.
8a: They will lose a big chunk of their personnel every season from direct attacks on the building.
8b: If you are a main character, you are more likely to die inside CTU, than outside of it.
9. Do not trust anyone, especially best friends and family members, between the 55th and 60th minute of every hour. This is when you are most likely to die.
10. If you are under 18 and have a name, you cannot die, regardless of who takes you hostage or what they want in exchange. This even applies in minutes 55-60. You are basically mini-Jack.
11. Do not discuss killing your hostage when the hostage is in the other room, especially if the hostage is so far unaware that they are a hostage.
12. Killing half a dozen innocent people in the attempt to kill one politician you don't agree with, does not make you a murderer. But killing one person you work with, does.
13. Any family emergency is a trap. Your brother is not in the hospital. Your sister is not in desperate need of money. Your father is not dead. Your wife (see number 5) is not being held by the terrorists.
14. If something goes missing, REPORT IT! This applies to everything from keycards you are sure your sister's boyfriend pilfered to nuclear weapons, which, let's face it, are definitely not with any innocent person.
15. Don't live in LA. It is more important to the terrorists than NYC, DC, or any other acronymed city in the US.